Healthy from 25 to 100

Back at the beginning on a different board game

2009-10-07T08:51:00.003+10:00

So here I am again and I don't mean on the blog. Oh yes, I suppose I am here again, but I mean this place or at least this me. The sense of deja-vu is slapping me over the head each day. 'Here' is where I've always been. Actually, I spent most of my life 'here'. My perspective has just changed a little, although evidently not enough.

Let me explain. No, in my absence I did not undo all the work I've put in during the year. I continued and I progressed. As the hint of spring faded from the air, I took every opportunity to wear my favourite pants. Oh yes, because now I fit into them even sitting down. The last time that happened was almost 5 years ago.

As I approached the marvelous possibility of wearing them again I was totally thrilled with the way I looked. Hey, at the start of the year I would have done anything to be getting down to this size. Yet, as soon as I did, all I could see was the few extra kilo's that are still hanging around. That's exactly the same feeling I had when I returned home 5 years ago. I knew I'd done a great job then of having slimmed down, but all I could see was that I could stand to lose a bit more.

Actually that's how I've felt since I can remember. Except in my teenage years, before I gained any weight I was convinced I was huge. That's where the perspective comes in - in retrospect, I was never huge there were just those couple of extra kilo's that needed to go.

And those couple of extra kilo's are what's haunting me today, just like they have for the last 15 odd years. So I suppose that leaves me with a choice - progress or accept. One thing I know is I don't want to be 'here' any more.

I'm not really here

2009-08-31T06:45:00.002+10:00

Please let it snow. Please let it snow. Please let it snow. Thank you.

Get down and give me 50

2009-08-26T18:54:00.003+10:00

I think I'm going to rename this blog the "Muscle Discovery Blog". That's if the last few posts are anything to go by. The only problem of course is that in a few weeks I will probably fall head over heels for something new. My attention span is like that.

Now about my favourite topic; muscles. A few weeks back when I did my assessment at the gym I had to write down some goals. Three to be precise because the form only had enough space for that many. I meant to post them as motivation, but clearly I was more interested in discussing other things at the time, so here they are.

1. Get down to a ridiculously low body fat percentage. It seemed achievable until I found out my current percentage, then it became ridiculous. Anyhoo...
2. Run 5K in under 25 minutes. Personal best...umm the only time I timed it...was 31.5 minutes. But you know running is soooo last month. Which brings me to;
3. Muscles - be able to do one proper, real, not-sissy-on-my-knees push-up and same for pull ups. I didn't have high standards which is why I would been utterly thrilled with one.

I've tried again and again, just to see if maybe by some miracle I could manage either. With push ups I could get down, but up was not so good. And pull-ups? They are just about hanging on the bar right?

Until today. Yes, she formerly with no upper body strength can do a full push-up! So take that trainer who said I couldn't do it without the gym. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go feed my muscles and gently rub 'em and tell them how much I love 'em :-)

Digging out the dirt

2009-08-25T08:22:00.005+10:00

6+2=8
I counted wrong, or maybe it was wishful thinking but there were 8 holes to dig. They are the footings for our brand new deck which should be finished in time for summer. Hooray for cocktails and barbeque's and summer. Shortly after reaching depth, they were filled with concrete and stirrups and it's funny just how much faster a hole is to fill than to dig.

Now I could wax lyrical about how much I love exercise and strength training - wow was that a back flip!? - but suffice to say that I have found the reason why I train. And it has nothing to do with looking hot. It's all about being able to do stuff - fun stuff like kayaking or slightly less fun stuff being Bob the Builder's apprentice for the weekend.

In any case I love the feeling of raw power and of being useful and having the energy to keep going all day alongside my husband.

Quit with the moaning
The weather gods clearly thought it would be a wicked good idea to give us summer in the middle of winter. Apparently they've been listening to me moan from my frozen like state for long enough. So the weekend was unseasonably hot at over 30 degrees C. That's like a million degrees Fahrenheit. I kid.

Hot days working in the sun just beg for a bad attitude to come out. Did it? Nope. We watched "Sunday Too Far Away" a movie from the golden era of Australian cinema about the life of sheep shearers. In comparison what I was doing by digging a few holes seemed minor as opposed to the back breaking labour of shearing? Nothing at all. So I decided that not a peep would escape from my mouth about heat, sweat or tiredness. The only thing to be heard from me was some off key singing.

And hats off to a good attitude. I so thoroughly accepted the fact that I would be exhausted by the end of Sunday that I ended up feeling no where near that bad. So instead of driving we walked to my mom's for dinner. And then I wouldn't shut up the whole time. Attention seeking? Moi?

Conclusions
Good attitudes are wicked cool.
Whining is draining.
It's been two days since I worked my muscles. Guess what that means!?!

I'm crazy about muscle

2009-08-21T16:32:00.003+10:00

The warm weather is persisting to my delight. There is nothing I like better than the feel of spring in the air, which would be when it's warm enough to stand in the shade wearing a breezy top and still be warm. So the definition of spring is when the mercury is at 28 degrees.

This means that all around the country writers must be furiously typing away at their keyboards with the one article title that screams summer is just around the corner - "Get a bikini ready body." Well whatever.

They always say that you should dress to flaunt your best assets. And with a couple of singlet wearing days already behind me, I figure that this year's swimsuit will have to be arm/shoulder/bicep highlighting. Cover everything else up, but show off those arms! It's actually sun smart too.

Yup, I'm smitten. The one who just a few months ago whined bitterly about how boring strength training was is now constantly flexing 'em, you know just to make sure they're still there. In fact, this week I've kept having to slowly back away from the dumbbells while rationally reasoning with myself. Less is more...one step backwards...less is more...another step towards the door.

So my arms are aching from yesterday and yet I dream of tomorrow. No, I will not be grabbing the dumbbells at dawn - yeah, like I'd get up at dawn! Nope tomorrow I get to dig 6 large holes and if that won't make my biceps bulge, I don't know what will. Bring on summer. Have a great weekend!

Either food or coherent thoughts

2009-08-19T12:55:00.003+10:00

These last few days I haven't been able to string together more than a sentence. Usually at this point my brain screams 'ok, that's 14 words, now give me food!' And so begins the down part of weight loss.

Other than to say that the body adjusts very, very quickly to things, I won't go further for fear of sounding silly and spreading misinformation.

It's like this; two weeks ago I started eating more on the recommendation of the trainer at the gym. Embarrassingly, for fear of eating too much I started logging kilojoules. Not only did I feel full - very full some meals - my pants felt looser, like almost wearable except for the sitting down part.

Then we were away and on the pretext of needing to eat more, I heartily dug into the wine, cheese and scones. Taking note of the fact that after those 5 days my pants still felt loose I continued to eat happily.

And then this week, I decided to do something stupid. I figured if the 28 degree days are anything to go by, then I won't have much hope of wearing my beloved pants at all this winter.

So knuckling down and getting serious I went back to eating the amount of food I was two weeks ago. Except what seemed like a feast then, now feels like the start of a massive famine. I'm hungry all the time.

And here's the bit I wanted to avoid writing because I don't know what I'm talking about. My knowledge is cobbled together from the glossy pages of magazines and numerous strolls through bloggyland - most notably Leigh Peele's blog.

Right, so I think have just done a re feed, by fooling my body into thinking that the famine was over and it had begun raining cheese again. Now that the sun has come out, my body is pleading for more cheese (and preferably some wine to go with) while working it's way through the spares it had put aside for a sunny, non-cheese raining day. Eventually it will work out that the cheese drought has started and it will become more efficient with the resources it has. Which is the point I started at two weeks ago.

Now, when I first read about re feeds I thought they sounded like an awesome idea especially created for gluttonous weekends full of cheese. But in fact, this is actually more painful than I had expected. There is one motivating factor however, which is the fit of those pants which I can now sit down in AND breath. Bargain. Just the small price of constant hunger to pay for it.

So that's what a Camelbak is good for

2009-08-14T20:49:00.003+10:00

....look, it's going in a glass first, it's not like I'm drinking it straight from the barrel....

....well how else do you suggest I get it out when the tap isn't co-operating??...

....Aged? It's been stuck in there for two years....ok, a little less...but not much...

....No, I don't think I should be left home alone either :-)

Weekend away

2009-08-13T08:59:00.011+10:00

I've been away camping the last 5 days. I always mean to write that in advance, but somehow blogging instead of packing on Friday night would not have been cool. Something about pulling my weight or some such nonsense.

I wanted to be a tourist in my own country. We never do that, instead flying overseas (or Tasmania, either way) to look at historic buildings, gorgeous gardens, drink wine and eat cheese. So I googled and googled and googled and ended up with a list easily to fill in 10 days.

We patted sheep - they are soft and curly! Yeah, city girl, I know.

Watched em' being shorn and herded, while listening to a yarn or two.

We tasted loads of wine, savoured cheese platters and wandered around looking at gardens, vineyards, wetlands and even (alleged) mountains.

Oh and walked avoiding these critters, hugged trees and gazed at the stars.

Saw the light at the end of the tunnel, before eating some heavenly lavender scones and hitting the MTB trail.

Ate a cheese ball...after trying some more wine and looking at another wonderful garden.

The best bit? Forgetting about fat, health and fitting in exercise. Moving all day long. Eating when hungry, mostly often and a lot. Not having cravings. No mirrors - lucky since I forgot to bring a comb; fingers are a wonderful invention. Forget about goals or plans for where I want to be in 6 months time.

In the car on the way we talked about MizFit's 'Unapologetically Myself'. Leaving everything behind a few hundred kilometres of bitumen, I decided to live it. Be in the moment. Feel comfortable in my skin. Accept all my peculiarities.

It felt amazing. Now the challenge is to carry that feeling forward today, tomorrow and next week.

Saying bye to crazy thoughts

2009-08-06T08:59:00.004+10:00

It's the fourth day of eating more and amazingly I haven't turned into a gigantasaurus. Yet. Well if it hasn't happened in 3 whole days, I suspect it probably won't. Usually you can see yesterdays 3 pieces of cake right...there on my hips. So my freak out was unfounded.

But, I've been following my food intake closely. Like counting kilojoules. Oh yeah. Apparently I'm happy to do it when trying to eat more, not so great when trying to eat less. Then again I don't need much help with that! It also helps that the dialogue goes something like this:

- I'll eat this, this and this today. Hmm, not enough.
- Ok, I'll eat this too! Still not enough.
- How about this? Well, I could still do with a little more.
- What else can I eat. Damn it there's not enough food in this house!

Would you be surprised to know that I don't have sugar cravings much? That I'm starting to feel hungry all the time again? That cycling was eeeasssy the other day? That my biceps look like they've grown?

Speaking of spending inordinate amounts of time in front of the mirror admiring my biceps. I had some crazy thoughts the other day that needed squelching and fast. I've pretty much settled on two strategies that work well for me:

1. Appeal to my vanity. Stand in front of the mirror and admire all the bits that I like about myself. Point out all the changes, the muscles that are growing and sometimes even laugh a little at the jiggly bits, because they're a part of me too, so I try to do that lovingly. Try on clothes that now fit and ones that used to but now fall off. The other option;

2. Stop thinking about it. Do something else. Especially something creative where I can't think about feeling bad. It's so easy to spend hours worrying and wondering (and dare I say, reading about new exercises or wonder foods) how the next few kilo's will come off, as well as weighing and measuring. At the end of the day, the hard work comes from doing not worrying- eating well, exercising regularly. It doesn't actually take long to do those things, you know, 3-6 meals per day and half an hour of exercise. Less is more with weights. Sometimes it's better to do what needs to be done, then step away and not think about it. Good things come to those who (put the hard work in then) wait.

There you go, my strategies for pressing the "crazy thoughts" off button. They're polar opposites depending on what is appropriate. Both make me feel good about myself. So what do you do to make yourself feel better when the crazy thoughts come knocking?

A difficult day for Jen

2009-08-05T14:19:00.002+10:00

I'm just thinking about Jen today. You never expect a tragedy like this to occur to yourself or someone you know in the flesh or not. It's a shock and there are no words to express it or words that can heal their pain. So today I just wanted to send out a prayer for her and her family.

The other extreme

2009-08-04T10:51:00.002+10:00

The only time someone has ever told me that I'm not eating enough was my grandmother. She'd served up soup, followed by an enormous plate of pierogi -a yummy Polish potato dumpling dish drizzled with melted butter - and then some pastries which I had to refuse because I couldn't move. Well, my aunt has actually said the same thing after meals of similar epic proportions. But let's say that outside of Poland, no one has ever said I don't eat enough. Except for the trainer.

When he told me I should add in some food to what I eat daily, apart from protein shakes that is, I got anxious. If I eat more I'll put on weight right? So I ignored what he said for the most part until Friday when feeling full of spite I worked my upper body as hard as I could at the outdoor gym. Upon returning home I ate a 'huge' recovery snack and immediately felt sure that I had eaten so much that I wouldn't fit into my pants the next day. So I got busy calculating and found that he was right. I'm generally not eating enough, at least by rule of thumb calculations for women.

What's weird is that it happened in a fairly natural way. Originally I started eating a little less and kept going with that approach which made me feel great. Then I noticed that I wasn't getting as hungry as I used to. In fact these days I'm rarely hungry which seems like a blessing. I also fill up very quickly so it's not hard to eat less. I thought everything was going rather well.

Obviously it's a big deal performance and fat loss wise, but what frightens me most is that I'm scared to eat more. That seems really bad and alarm bells are ringing inside my head. There's some nasty thoughts coming back into my head about my body image as well.

So what to do except eat more, lift more and press the "crazy thoughts" off button.

I shouldn't be training

2009-07-30T19:13:00.003+10:00

After extolling the virtues of seeking professional advice at the gym last week, I figured it was time I took a dose of my own medicine. So I signed up for an assessment and dragged myself to the gym yesterday.

I don't know what I was hoping to achieve, other than find out my body fat percentage and maybe do a fitness test that would earn me a shinny gold star acknowledging my incredible cardio fitness *cough, cough*.

Well, we didn't get off to a great start when the trainer perused my goals and exclaimed 'you want to get down to that body fat. That's low. That's what I'm at'. Embarrassed silence ensued. My consternation only grew as I stepped on the little scale that analysed all my deepest, darkest bits and spat out the analytical truth about me. .

A few months back I'd played with a friend's bio electrical impedance scale so I had an idea of where I was at then and where I should be now. I was horrified to discover that the fat percentage had remained the same. Instantly I felt huge, like I'd just gained back about 5kg as the number flashed up in front of me. As soon as I got home I had to try on my measuring pants. They still fit, but that doubt that I am fat didn't.

When it was my turn to ask questions, I wanted to know about post workout nutrition. I hope he didn't notice my glazed over eyes as he went into a long analysis of the various protein powders.

Then we moved onto my strength goals and what I needed to do to achieve them. I mentioned that I'm not a fan of sitting in the gym lifting weights and would prefer body weight exercises. Coincidentally, my two strength goals are being able to do push ups and chin ups. 'Impossible' he told me. In fact, apparently if I am not willing to devote 2 half hour sessions a week to strength training at the gym then I may as well not train at all :-(

I haven't changed his words at all. I'm serious. I may as well not train at all. Now that's not very helpful. Hey, I'm willing to change, I've proven that to myself this year. What I am not prepared to do is blindly follow. If it's the last resort, I'll suck it up and go to the gym twice a week, but I still cling to the notion that strength training can be done in a way that I enjoy. In fact I will build a crazy gym in my yard with ropes and ladders and bars before I will do another program at the gym.

I drifted off from the conversation at the point where he suggested getting a personal trainer so I would have someone to push me hard enough. After that I think he spoke at length about his own experience as a body builder training for competition while I drifted off into my sad little world wondering how on earth I was going to achieve my goals.

Those feelings of being defeated have turned to defiance. I will prove at the next assessment - about 6 weeks - all that I can do. Now, I just need to do a little research to work out how I'm going to get there ;-)

Anyone had a similar discouraging experience with a trainer? Anyone else rely mostly on body weight exercises or know a good reference point?

A private race

2009-07-29T10:18:00.005+10:00

I picked up a copy of the latest Runner's World from the library the other day. It's not exactly that I need to add more to my reading pile, rather a glimmer of hope of resolving my love/hate feelings towards the sport. Running seems very charming on the surface, but dig a little deeper and I can see all the faults. Yet one flicker of a smile from Running and I keep coming back. Running has even made my best friend Walking seem slow and cumbersome, so while out Walking I can't help but think about Running.

Next week I am free of Running's schedule, so I am growing desperate to know if there will be another date or if our relationship is over. By sitting down for a moment with the running community I had hoped to find my answer I guess. What is it that Running had infected others with that they keep coming back?

I haven't found the answer in those pages, but instead I found another of Running's virtues. At the end of a few of the articles after the author's name was listed their personal best time. Apart from feeling shocked at how quickly 5K could be run (the women's world record is 14:11 held by Ethiopia's Tirunesh Dibba) I didn't think too much about it until the following day.

We were discussing what we thought of as success after finding out what some old high school buddies have been up to in the last 10 years. It's easy to say that success is dependent on the individual, but harder to not feel average in comparison to your peers when they have been recognised for their talents. And yet, not everyone has the same talents and interests that they can be recognised for and therefore measure up against their peers. I thought about my own current interests and I thought about running, about personal best times.

Sometimes I have felt embarrassed reporting with great enthusiasm that I've just run for 25 minutes. After all, some of you have done half or full marathons so what's 5K in comparison? Then I would remind myself that for me, it is a big deal because I have never been able to run that far. I am my own benchmark.

While in many aspects of life I strive to keep up with my peers or meet expectations, running and fitness in general is not one of them. What a relief it is to just run for my own enjoyment and watch my own improvements without measuring up against anyone else. Unless I'm out to win a race there is no reason to compete, because everyone has their own story of how they came to be where they are. And even in the feature stories in Runner's World few people talked about winning the marathon, instead focusing on accomplishing their own goal, whether to qualify for another marathon or aiming for a personal best. It's as though they were running alone on an empty road and all that mattered during their race was them and the pavement.

So I like that running is all about me, all about my body and my limits. I like pushing my own boundaries and seeing how far I can go to become fitter, stronger, faster and better looking. I like that I am finally in control and becoming who I want to be. While I won't exactly be posting my accomplishments on Facebook, I can still be proud of myself for my achievements.

How about you. Do you work towards a personal best or winning the race? Do you like a bit of friendly competition to keep you motivated?

If laughter is the best medicine...

2009-07-28T11:12:00.003+10:00

...Then there are a whole lot of healthy people around after this weekend. After 2 months of weekly rehearsals where we delivered our lines and then scratched our heads wondering if anyone would actually be laughing, we finally had an audience. And we had them in stitches.

The evening consisted of four one act plays, three of which are locally written the other is "Dinner for One". Although they were supposed to be short plays two of them run for nearly 40 minutes, so being last we worried that everyone would be bored by the time they got to ours.

But no. After an hour and a half of humour, the audience particularly on Saturday night was well lubricated for our play. They didn't stop laughing almost the whole way through our play which made it difficult to deliver lines. Then again, can you go wrong with a play where the two male actors dress up as women mid way through?!

Friday with all it's wonderful opening night nerves was flawless. Seriously. Oh except when a cast member forget his line, but that was okay because he just started taking out his 'fake' breasts - socks - to buy some time. Ah yes, he was wearing a dress and my super high heels at the time!

I loved the experience so much that the only bad part of the performance was that it went so quickly. I was on such a high afterwards that I ate a huge piece of chocolate cake at the after cast party!

Saturday night was not so great. I spent all day so hyperactive in anticipation of being on stage again that by the evening I was totally worn out and all I wanted to do was snuggle up and watch a movie at home. Apparently I wasn't the only one, because it just wasn't a great night. Sure we got heaps of laughs, more than on Friday and I allegedly (because I didn't hear anything) got 'wohoo's' from the blokes when I appeared in my knee high boots, fishnets, leather jacket, mask, whip and itsy bitsy skirt (yeah, given the outfit that was really hard!) but the energy just wasn't the same as the previous evening.

Apparently more seasoned actors say this is normal and things will improve each night from now on. Sadly, that is only another two performances this coming weekend. It would seem that this is a week of endings, because it is the last days of the Couch to 5K programme also. Then what comes next? All I can say is that I hate endings.

It's show time

2009-07-24T15:24:00.003+10:00

Tonight is opening night of the play. Yesterday I was bouncing off the walls, I couldn't keep still I was so excited. Today, not so much. The butterflies have arrived and the idea of an audience is making them flutter around in my belly. Ok, so what's the worst that could happen anyway? I could forget my lines or my entrance cue, but hey 'making stuff up as you go along' is a skill in itself right? I could accidentally hit one of the audience members with the tip of my whip when I crack it, but that's cool too because it would just make it more interactive for the audience which is fun. I doubt I will fall off stage - I worried about that before my uni graduation and that went by pretty uneventfully.

At least I won't be wearing my costume upside down tonight. After the dress rehearsal two nights ago the director approached me and in a whisper told me that I was wearing my corset the wrong way around. And all that time I couldn't work out why there were these pouch bits on my belly. Ahh, Le Booby holders! Oops.

The one thing I can't believe is that I haven't joined a theatre earlier. Even on the cold evenings we've been having lately, when all I wanted to do was stay home and snuggle up under the doona I've been coming home from rehearsals beaming from ear to ear, unable to fall asleep from excitement. Me thinks I love acting! Seems so silly now to have waited so long. But no regrets - the show must go on!

Sweet temptation

2009-07-22T09:51:00.003+10:00

Sweets. My ultimate weakness. Well that and staying snuggled up in bed each morning until I absolutely have to get up. But health wise it's cakes, cookies, desserts, chocolate - you name it and if it has sugar in it I want it. So when I set my goal for consistency, the number one dot point I wrote in my diary was to consistently eat less sweets. Seeing as I can count on a plentiful dessert on Sunday night each week I thought perhaps I could limit myself to just that.

So I patiently shared my goal with he who shares my house and gently suggested he do what he can to help me with my resolve. Nothing huge, no change in his routine just perhaps not planting the remains of last nights dessert in a prominent place in the kitchen and asking if I want some.

So within half an hour of our conversation, without saying a word, the creamy apple pie from the day before was on the bench, with one slice carefully plated up. As I got ready to go to rehearsal the entire pie remained on the bench, untouched while he sat right next to it surfing the web.

Upon returning home around 10pm, the plate with the slice had vanished but the rest of the pie still sat in the same spot on the bench. Now that seemed like in your face temptation to me. And yet, in a bizarre un-me like state, I wasn't tempted. Apparently I had made up my mind to stick to my goal in that special way, the one in which I can't be talked out of my decision even by the sweet siren call of creamy apple pie.

Now I can only explain my sweethearts behaviour as either; a) male complete absent mindedness or; b) he's worried soon I shall have more muscle definition than him. The most likely option is a however upon returning home yesterday he started doing chin ups and push ups. I'm sure that has nothing to do with me walking around the house proudly pointing out my biceps and gloating.

Well so far I have remained consistent, but what if my resolve falters at some point? How can I encourage more helpful behaviour from others? Does it actually make any difference or should simple resolve be enough? Have you gotten others to help you with your goals and how?

Time for new goals

2009-07-20T09:29:00.005+10:00

Egg yolk creation
Thanks very much for the suggestions for egg yolk recipes. It occurred to me yesterday that there is a thing called google with tons of recipes when faced with a recipe dilemma. Actually, it reminded me of my mom who always asks us to find the information she wants for her - a google phobia perhaps? Anyway, I will probably keep referring back to the answers regularly, because I constantly end up with an oversupply of either egg yolks or whites.

After "borrowing" my sisters latest Vogue Entertaining + Travel and drooling, I mean looking at the pages I came across a brilliant recipe for a creamy apple pie that required egg yolks. Yet again I was asked to make dessert on Sunday so I tried the recipe. It was the most wonderful dessert I think I have ever tasted. And you know that equation fat sugar fat, well this one had a slight variation of fat sugar apples sugar fat. It was probably the most unhealthy thing I have ever made but holy crap it tasted good. Oh look is that a flying saucer at the window.

Shaking things up
Despite the cold overnight temperatures, I found myself back in a singlet this weekend as I painted door frames. Yes, this is my idea of winter - clear skies, sunshine and warm days! I figured that my fears over the approaching summer are not entirely unfounded seeing as soon the evenings will be warm again and it will be time to hit the beach. Now that I feel like I'm being honest about where I want to get in the next 6 months I've decided it's time to set some new goals.

My aim to begin with was to lose about 10% of my body weight in 6 months which I did. Then I started running and I am now nearing the end of the Couch to 5K being at week 8 (out of 9). If this was all simply about the way I felt I would be perfectly happy not to do anything more and just maintain, but it's been my dream to one day be in my best body. I have never in my life been anything approximating lean so the definition of 'best' is yet to be seen as well as being proportional to the amount of effort I am willing to put in.

The first 6 months were rather laid back - after all 6 months to lose about 7kg or 15lbs is a long time. But for the first time ever, it actually worked because I never had to be perfect. I could happily take 2 steps forward 1 back and learn along the way. The last few weeks with all the sweets made me realise that my approach was really successful for me in part because I didn't gain any weight which I take as I sign that I've learnt to balance out what I eat intuitively. No, I realise it's not healthy when I substitute calories from healthy food for sugar.

Now though, I'm getting bored with being constantly in 'I'm trying to lose weight' mode. It's time to shake up my relaxed approach a little and finish what I started. Each time I think about that I freak out and wonder if I should be following some kind of nutrition plan or start counting calories or go Primal. I am really scared of not being able to move past the point that I'm at now.

Still, I've come this far on the principle that I figure out what is best for me at a given time, so I am not ready to hand over the reins and follow just yet. And besides I'm fairly confident I know what I need to do to reach my goal. MizFit talked about it last week on Jen's blog - consistency. That is something that I am not. Over a long time frame that wasn't too much of an issue, but in the shorter term consistency is crucial to achieve a deficit.

The Goal
So from today for a period of 6 weeks my goal is to be consistent with regular strength training and eating in a way to achieve a calorie deficit. Seeing as I don't like keeping a food journal, I'm going to steal Cammy's idea of writing down splurges. Hopefully that will be a whole lot less work! And so far today, nothing to report.

A bowl of lonely egg yolks

2009-07-17T10:06:00.004+10:00

Since the end of June, life has been very unsettled. Seeing there was nothing I could do to console their grief, I turned to the only thing I could remember that helps at times like these - food. I started doing an inventory in my head of everything I have cooked and especially all the sweets that I've made in the last two and a half weeks. Quite apart from the hospital visits and funeral arrangements, we've had three birthdays in the family and one of a good friend. I could write a whole essay about how important food is in nourishing the body as well as bringing comfort, but most importantly I think in the last few weeks it's brought people together and it has given me a purpose. Anyway here is an inventory of the sweets.

It all started on the last Sunday in June when my sister gave us the leftovers of a pound cake, a puff pastry chocolate slice and cheesecake she had made. The following day, pound cake and the puff pastry chocolate slice just seemed like a good idea at 2am on return from the hospital. Sleep deprived the next morning and armed with a packet of traditional German gingerbread cookies for all and sundry, the sweets slowly started to vanish from the fridge.

The following day was cheesecake (leftover from Sunday) for my birthday along with tiny caramel mud cake muffins that we gave away to my brother in-law the following day for his birthday. That night we had mandarin parfaits.

On Saturday the third course was stewed pears with rhubarb and cream. For our usual Sunday night dinner my Mom made custard with fresh strawberries. The following night was Viennetta at my mother in-laws and on Tuesday was a friends birthday. Her partner had forgotten completely so again I tried to heal with food - this time I opted for low fat chocolate cake and passionfruit melting moments.

Wednesday at the in-laws was carrot cake followed by two days of reprieve. The remaining melting moments may or may not have been eaten during this time. Realising the fact that the sweets were going to continue to be made I started to opt for healthier options especially after Tuesdays chocolate cake success. Saturday, dinner with the in-laws and a low fat walnut, chocolate and date pudding. Again on Sunday my parents came around and this time I tried Mark's Primal Custard.

Tuesday and again dinner with the in-laws. This time I made low fat lime cheesecake. Finally yesterday; my husband's birthday and a whole plate of chocolate orange cupcakes with maple frosting all for him (and me). I don't know if I hopped that writing this down would help dull my cravings for more sugar. If that was the intent, it has certainly worked, but now I have another pressing issue.

The problem with the low fat desserts has been the leftover egg yolks. I can think of two things to do with them - hollandaise sauce or custard. Have you got any suggestions?

The guilty truth

2009-07-15T09:38:00.004+10:00

I didn't quit. I did the full run because even though I told myself that I could stop when it got too much, I didn't. I couldn't. Once I was there doing it, I pushed on to the end because I really wanted to finish this programme flawlessly. And as if to add an extra incentive the universe conspired to put a $20 bill across my path in the last 10 seconds of my run. There was no one else around. If I had quit I wouldn't have even gone down that path.

I've found a strength training programme that I really like. It's the 'Get an Action Hero Body' from Valerie Waters. Despite the seemingly easy, low weight exercises, I sweat more doing one set of each circuit than when running.

I started doing it in the first place because of a lingering fear - summer, bikini season. It was 10 degrees Celsius inside the house this morning and I'm scared of a bikini. That seems so stupid to me, as does the nagging doubt that I might fail and that this summer might end up being no different than every other. And yet, I've been twisted up inside for months now about my vanity - it shouldn't matter what I look like; it's about being healthy; don't hold yourself simply to how you look in a bikini.

These fears sit so uncomfortably next to the idea that I can accept my body the way it is. Honestly the less there is of it the more I like it and I still wish that it could be firmer, slimmer, stronger, better. So I love my body, but......Unconditional self love? I don't think so. It feels so wrong to admit the truth that a big part of what I really want is to look better.

Having my ass kicked

2009-07-13T10:46:00.003+10:00

My husband has a shirt from New Balance that reads:

Enjoy sitting on your butt.
Because I'm gonna
kick it in a few hours.
- RUNNING

Mostly I really love this shirt but these last few days, not so much. It was the first 25 minute run last week and my butt officially considered itself whipped. Now it's a whole new week of all 25 minute runs. I'm terrified.

Last week was awful. The wind was strong and I felt incredibly weak - I barely made it. Now I'm trying to put off the runs for later in the week. Actually I feel like quitting. I feel like it's all too much for me, that maybe I was delusional in thinking that I could ever run.

I was mesmerised by one of the frequently asked questions on the Couch to 5k website - why do people drop out during the C25K? Now I have the answer.

Still, it's better to be challenged and push through it, then give up the minute the going gets tough. That's not the new me....I hope.

Half way

2009-07-07T08:57:00.004+10:00

In the middle of a bridge in Morocco

Last week was the middle of the year. It was the middle of my running program. My birthday. I wanted to do an update, a wrap up of the first half of the year. A look towards new goals. A new blog design. Life intervened. It does that sometimes.

I've been thinking a lot about health the last week. Spending time in a hospital does that. I realise there are no guarantees in life.

We talk a lot about health here, creating lasting change. Are we talking about a better life? Does health in the way we speak of it do this for us? Looking back at the last 6 months, I answer with a resounding yes.

These months have changed me not just my body. I live the way I do because it feels great. I've improved my quality of life. My fears of what I would need to become to be healthy were unfounded. But I don't do this for health, I do it because I love it.

Fear does not bind me to health. I don't try to control the way I live because I fear that my actions will make me sick or fat. Sometimes a date with a cake makes me happy. I forgive and that is health. This is a peaceful place, this is bliss.

The last week has made me realise that I wouldn't change anything. How about you?

Just keep running

2009-07-06T08:27:00.003+10:00

A relative is very sick in hospital. Our lives are paused, watching, waiting at his ups and his downs. Monday already. A week since the phone call. Witnessing the pain and grief, so many thoughts and unanswered questions about life, health, the soul, even love float through my thoughts.

I wake before dawn each morning. Just keep running, I remind myself. Today before the hospital, the day after from the hospital. Do what needs to be done, then run. Mark the passing days by when you last ran.

A burst of endorphin filled joy at the first 20 minute run. Quelled. Too much pain in the faces of those close to me. A small success that seems suddenly insignificant. More questions about hopes, goals and failure.

Food. A shared meal and a laugh. No one should be alone. Do something to help. You can't take away their pain, at least feed their body. Walk, run, take them outside to bathe in the last rays of the sun. A glowing red sunset - a reminder of life as we witness the quiet embrace of death.

Just keep running, today and the day after.

Healthy living can be easy

2009-06-25T14:29:00.000+10:00

Have you ever bought a magazine because it promised that just overleaf lay a diet and exercise program that would give you the body of your dreams? Each spring just as the days start to get warmer in September and the cold Westerlies have stopped blowing the magazine racks beckon with these promises. Spring brings that feeling of anticipation and the excitement that summer is just ahead. Day dreams are filled with picnics under the shade of cool trees, summer storms and hot days at the beach. Anything seems possible when the lull of winter is almost past.

I've bought into the dream almost every spring, believing that if I can just manage to stay on the program for the three months, I would have the body of my dreams. Just three short months and I would achieve my goal right? Of course the plan would need to become a lifestyle but by working hard anything was possible.

Healthy living is a matter of following a few simple principles - exercise regularly, eat clean, relax. But that can seem really hard when the starting point is at the polar opposite. Two of those principles disagreed with me and it wasn't the last one. I was scared of having to work really hard to reach my goals by turning down food that I loved simply because 'it wasn't good for me' or having to run regularly even though I hated running (yeah, I know). I could never willingly embrace what I saw as depriving myself of the joys of living for supposed health benefits or even a bikini ready body.

I doubt that I was alone in my unwillingness to change, because people tend to create an identity for themselves based on habits. We then describe ourselves as being the person with the insatiable appetite or the gym junkie. I for example am feeling very comfortable identifying myself as 'a runner' whereas in the past I was the one with the huge appetite and that is what I was proud of being. Healthy living threatened that identity which left me wondering who I would be; perhaps the sprouted greens and salad girl? I fought against becoming that person by not trying because being healthy seemed so hard. I chose to believe that if I found the right plan I could avoid becoming salad girl and still have the body of my dreams.

But what no generically written diet and exercise programme can do in all it's black and white glory is reflect real life. Reality is full of shades of grey and nuances where things change with time. Life is about stages and being ready to take the next step at the right time whether it's ramping up a fitness routine or enjoying eating sprouted greens and salad. By slowly adjusting your lifestyle over time you can grow into it so that it's more unpleasant to go back to old habits than continue with new ones. By tackling it in stages without surrendering an essential part of oneself it is possible to evolve a healthy lifestyle. When you are at the centre of the process, catering for your needs at each stage and adjusting when you are ready, then healthy living can be easy. Once you start, the evolution takes a course of it's own and all that is required is putting your feet, one in front of the other and things will change.

Except of course it's not as quick as a three month plan. But then, is it really possible to get an ideal body in three months? I read a blog by a body builder who had worked for years on his physic. That admission surprised me since I had always thought such a transformation would take many months perhaps, but not years. So maybe there is no express lane to a bikini ready body and it was never in our reach in the first place. What do you think?

Run, run, run

2009-06-18T12:50:00.000+10:00

Oh no! They left without us.

Some days bloggyland makes me feel like the luckiest person around. Why? Well, apart from all the thoughtful comments you guys leave me, I can share with you my new found love that the people in real life are sick and tired of hearing about. Running of course! Each time I come in here to post I keep thinking that I could write a really thoughtful post on ageing gracefully or maybe how to get more calcium or various health philosophies. Instead I think, I know I'll write something about running! Won't that be interesting.

For example, I'm now onto week 3 of the C25K and oddly enough it seems easier than week 2. My theory is that running for 3 minutes continuously is easier than two intervals of 1.5 minutes. If anyone knows why, please enlighten me as I would love to know the physiology.

Next fascinating running fact is that I would have though that by the end of each week the workout should get easier, but it never seems to. What I have noticed however is that my recovery time is much shorter than when I started. Again, any explanations?

Hhhmmm. Where next?

Exciting yes? Actually, very few people in the real world know I have even started running as I am being very secretive about it. Perhaps one day when I get the opportunity to slip it into conversation I might just discuss that 5K that I will have run on the weekend.

But perhaps it shouldn't be so. One of the very few people who do know is my husband's colleague who lives locally and happened to be out at the same time I was on a run. When he was in the army he used to regularly run 5K in under 25 minutes and apparently I'm inspiring him to get out there and back in his running shoes. He's hoping to get his wife involved and we even talked about entering a team into the race I am planning to do at the end of August. And that is a wonderful feeling, to think that through my efforts I may encourage others to get active again. It will definitely help ward off the grumpiness on the next run.

And now that I've started this whole spread the feel good fit feeling, do you have any more advice on inspiring other (not so enlightened souls) in the real world to get fit?

PS Yes, the images are totally unrelated.

My, what a bad attitude we have here

2009-06-18T11:32:00.000+10:00

I've never been good at pushing myself physically. My motto has always been "when the going gets tough, start whining and preferably quit alternatively complain more". But somehow I thought I was past that with all the positive things that I had written about previously. I suppose I should have heeded the signs that all was not figured out though. Each time I was on the last interval of the Couch to 5K I would swear that I would never be doing this again because it's just too hard.

The problem is that it is the opposite of what I would love to do more of in life. See adventure magazines make me drool, I can get lost in outdoor shops for hours dreaming up crazy ideas of exploring the wilderness and those huge posters of people 'livin' the dream'? They stop me in my tracks each time. I'm not content to simply be an armchair traveller. I want to be one of the them paddling, hiking or cycling in the great outdoors and loving the challenge. There's just always been one tiny little thing standing in my way, which makes my companions duck for cover (or they resort to bribing me with chocolate - can't whinge when my mouth is full!) - a lousy attitude.

Once I could have argued that I wasn't physically fit, like the time when we cycled in NZ. But last weekend on the overnight hike, I really had no excuses. I felt fitter than ever before and yet at the end of the first day I declared to my husband that I would never, ever accept another invitation to go walking again. Sure I would love to travel the world and hike the best trails on the planet, but walking just for the sake of it was not something I enjoyed doing and everyone had better start accepting that that is just who I am. Needless to say, the following day I didn't have a walking companion as he stayed well ahead of me.

After talking about my attitude with him a few days later, I felt ashamed at how much impact my negativity can have on his experiences. He never gets the self-satisfaction and elation at the end of the day after I've clobbered him over the head with my foul mood. So what of our travel plans for the future? At the moment I sure wouldn't want to walk the Inca Trail or hike to Base Camp at Everest (two of my favourite ideas) seeing as there is a high chance of me getting tired and grumpy.

So for me, I need to learn to push myself physically and be able to deal with that mentally so that I can finally reconcile my love of the outdoors and my aversion to pain. I want to be able to get the most out of my body and push my limits. For my husband, I want to get rid of my lousy attitude so that I can be a good companion so that he can finally enjoy a trip even when the going gets tough. I guess I should start with my very next run.

Any tips for leaning how to deal with the mental aspect of pushing yourself? Is it something that can change or do some people have more resilience than others?

It happened again

2009-06-10T15:14:00.000+10:00

On Sunday afternoon I should have been filled with a sense a pride over finishing week two of the 5K training. Unfortunately yet again I wasn't congratulated for my effort and invited to join in week 3. This week, I can't blame my Ipod, because I simply didn't do the last of the 3 weekly runs.

No I haven't given up like I kept promising myself at the end of each day only to be filled with enthusiasm the following day like a belated runners high. We were away for the long weekend and I was even tempted to take my running shoes and do laps of the caravan park. But I didn't thankfully do that. We went away to go on a 30km overnight walk so I got my fair share of aches and pains as well as a healthy dose of self pride.

I'm not sure if it is necessary, but I decided to repeat all of the week 2 runs before progressing. Ironically, carrying up pack while hiking all day actually seemed easier than running. It would seem that all the hard work is paying off then.

A recession beating vegetable

2009-06-07T10:21:00.000+10:00

I'm not normally inspired by recession beating things, but then 'technically' Australia isn't in a recession! Plus I wouldn't actually advocate growing a vegetable for that reason; taste, yes; sustainability, absolutely; availability, sure; recession beating, not really. But seeing as this vegetable has more of the latter than the former I thought I would jump in on the bandwagon. So I present to you....the pigeon pea or Cajanus cajan.

Originally thought to be from Asia, the pigeon pea is a grain legume grown in the tropics and sub-tropics around the world. It is commonly used in permaculture as a pioneer plant being a nitrogen fixer and helping to break up clay soils. Being a fast growing drought tolerant shrub between 2-3m tall makes it a hardy windbreak. Other uses include mulch production and forage for poultry.

Some loitering pigeon peas

It was originally invited into our garden a few years ago and now refuses to leave a long time after the first plant was cut to the ground. In the past it was a useful shade plant for the veggies in summer, as well as screening from the neighbours and it has very pretty delicate yellow and red flowers. But we never really ate the peas despite the huge quantities weighing down the bushes, because I'd heard were poor tasting, until one day my step-father showed an interest in procuring some for his chickens. Well, if it's good enough for the chickens I figured it would be good enough for us!

Raw, the green peas taste like cucumber, but cooked they taste like the beans we ate with them. The hardest part is shelling the peas although not as unpleasant as shelling chick peas which have spiky 'fur' on them which scratches your fingers. It's just time consuming but the sense of pride of eating a vegetable you grew, with no actual effort on your part, makes it worth it. And that's not all. They are a good source of protein, they can be sprouted making them even more nutritious and they can be ground into flour. Talk about versatility in one vegetable!

Raw, naked peas

The dried peas also have a use, as apparently in India they are a staple for making dhal. We have few dried ones at the moment, but when the time comes I will be sure to compare a dhal from split peas as is common here to a pigeon pea version.

So that is my amazing vegetable of the week - useful in the garden, on the table and a plant that just won't die! Ever grown or eaten pigeon peas? Do you have any unusual plants that you have grown or seen at the markets? Do you like buying random vegetables you've never heard of and experimenting?

Treadmill vs pavement running

2009-06-05T09:21:00.000+10:00

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away (ok maybe not) I joined a gym....*waiting for applause* :-) At this gym, my favourite cardio machine was the treadmill. One day when walking on said treadmill, I realised that instead of listening to music I didn't like and breathing in recycled smelly air I could be outside with the birds and sunshine (and sunscreen) walking my dog, who gave me sad puppy eyes each time I left her to walk on said treadmill. So I didn't renew my membership.

Shortly thereafter I discovered one of the great disadvantages of not using a treadmill. At the peak of my gym going I could run for at least 25 minutes non-stop. I don't remember the distance or speed, but that effort made me immeasurably proud of myself. Unfortunately, it never translated to the street. There was absolutely no way I could run even half that time on the road. I always wondered why that was the case and now that I have started doing some running I thought I might search out the answer.

Wind resistance. Apparently even a slight breeze can make a big difference to the amount of effort required and I was shocked that this was one of the biggest reasons.
Uneven ground. It may look flat, but it is unlikely to be. Which is true if you have ever ridden a bike with loaded pannier bags. Plus you may be dodging puddles, dog poop, little kiddies on bicycles, parked cars or any number of things in your path which tends to vary your pace. And of course you might actually have to face a hill.
Propulsion. Unless living in an earthquake prone area or Godzilla is about, then the ground doesn't move underneath you. This is even addressed in shoe design as explained by Simon Bartold, International Research Consultant for ASICS. It's all about your centre of gravity which on the pavement which needs to be propelled forward by the leg muscles. On a treadmill however, the centre of gravity is static, being moved up an down on an unstable surface instead of forward.

The consequence is that research shows running on the road burns more calories than on a treadmill. But at the end of the day, it depends on what the desired outcome is. For example I'm not interested in the calories, but rather being able to run a 5K race therefore I choose to train outdoors, well that and I don't like gyms even though I no longer have a dog to walk. But if that's also your goal and regular outdoor runs aren't an option, then you can simulate the intensity of the outdoors with a 1 degree incline on the treadmill which will also provide a similar calorie burn.

But there are also plenty of reasons to stay on the treadmill if that's your thing. Often, they are padded so cushion your feet better putting less strain on your body. This translates to fewer injuries. Other advantages include avoid unpleasant weather (although I can testify that jogging in the rain on soggy grass is actually more fun than it would seem), safety, finding having a suitable place to run and convenience. On the forums where this seems a hotly debated topic, some argue that having a set pace on a treadmill means they can push themselves constantly at a steady pace whereas on the road they would be more likely to slow down.

So there you have it, an answer after all these years! What is your preference - hitting the pavement or the treadmill. Why do you choose one or the other for any form of exercise?

A run before dinner

2009-06-03T09:57:00.000+10:00

The first week of the Couch to 5K has officially been completed. In typical giant leap style I was on the verge of skipping the first week because it just seemed too easy and moving straight onto week 2 at the very least. Thankfully the lazy part of me took over figuring that if the first week was easy then all the better - no point pushing myself too hard is there?!

Well, it wasn't easy. The first few runs weren't a problem but by the 7th and 8th interval I was ready to give up the whole plan. Except then the following morning I would wake up disappointed that it wasn't a running day. That feeling would evaporate the next day and by the 7th interval I was back to cursing the whole idea.

Until Sunday that is. I had spent all day doing things I was supposed to, like cleaning the house, painting a door frame, cooking for my family who were coming around in the evening for dinner. The Final Week 1 Run lingered on my to-do list when everything else got crossed off. I was genuinely disappointed when 40 minutes before they turned up, I had only just finished cleaning my brush and closing the paint tin. I was torn between for once in my life having everything ready when my guests turned up like a domestic goddess versus hearing that sweet sweet voice whisper softly in my ear "if you have completed your first week, congratulations." I chose the voice.

I followed his commands running when he told me, walking when he told me and paying attention to keeping my body loose when he told me. And then, without warning, he stopped talking to me! The little red light flashed on my Ipod and he was gone like the battery. I persevered without him to complete the last four intervals but I was devastated. All week, well on two other occasions, I had waited for that glorious moment when he would praise me for finishing week 1 *bursts into tears* and I never got to hear it!

Oh and if you have no idea what I'm talking about, as suggested by Cammy (Thank you oh so much) C25K have a podcast for each of their running weeks and they are the absolutemostbestthingeverandIdon'tknowhowIcouldhavedoneitwithoutyouRob *swoon* And better yet than all this fitness/health/strength/good for heart mumbo jumbo I found out that I can put podcasts on my wee little Shuffle. Which means....I can become well versed in a foreign language while I walk! Ha ha, no more listening to the birds for me!

Tempting, tasty, tantalizing treats

2009-05-30T11:47:00.000+10:00

It's 6pm on Saturday night and you've just turned up at your friends place for dinner. After a day of cleaning, shopping and then going for an afternoon stroll at the local park you realise that you're actually pretty hungry. Dinner is a fair way off, so you begin by chatting over a pre-dinner drink. On the table sits the appetizer, just a wee little snack to get you to dinner. What do you do?

This is something I have been wondering about for months and seeing as it's the weekend, what better time to ask. Depending on where we are, the snacks vary from sweets at my in-laws, salty nuts at my parents, bruschetta with dip, cheese and crackers, those puffed up rice snacks or on the very rare occasion, chopped up veggies. Often it's food that should be eaten in moderation or something that would not cross the threshold of my house because it's too tempting.

I've noticed that when served at our house the snacks disappear very, very quickly. I watched bemusedly last weekend when over pre-dinner drinks I needed to top up the crackers repeatedly and the carrot sticks were left nearly untouched. The outcome was pretty predictable - when the call to the table was made everyone looked sheepish and mumbled that they weren't really very hungry any more.

I wouldn't see a problem if this was an occasional splurge, but if you are doing this most weekends, then up to 2 out of 7 days becomes a problem. I'm speaking from experience here - we have a full dinner with my family every weekend on top of socialising with friends. Sharing food with family and friends is very pleasurable and I like long multi course meals that start out with casual banter over a drink. So the traditional dinner becomes a tug-a-war between being conscious of what I'm eating while still enjoying the moment as well as the effort that has gone into the meal.

So what can you do as a guest? Not turn up so hungry. Yes. Use self control. Absolutely. Randomly wander around friends houses with drink in hand asking about each painting, picture or knickknack until dinner time? Sure, especially if they are renovating (Note to self: make friends with more people who are renovating).

But what about when you are the host? What I want to know is as hosts do we have a responsibility to our friends and family regarding what we serve them, particularly before dinner? Or is it up to each of us to be adults and take responsible for what we put in our mouths regardless of temptation? Do you serve pre-dinner snacks and if so what are your favourites?

Frustrated to the core

2009-05-29T11:01:00.000+10:00

There are two types of people in the world; those who like pleasant, fun and enjoyable activities like walking or running or riding a bike; and then there are those who enjoy repetitively lifting, pulling or pushing lumps of steel of various size. I am not one of the latter people and I would like to take this opportunity to publicly declare that I hate strength training (at least now that the novelty of admiring my biceps has worn off). I was going to add a third category of people who don't like exercise at all, but I figured they don't exist right!?!

Begin rant: After an hour working on the fit ball dutifully following the instructions of my paper trainer I was not only exhausted but totally frustrated. I cannot for the life of me find a more boring way to exercise than to do 15 reps x 2 on each side of exercise after exercise. It's like being the machine in Ikea that pounds the chair 5 million times to prove the durability. Up, breath in, down, breath out, up, breath in, down, breath out! It's more boring than staring at the ceiling because at least then I get to think....other than one....two....three.....snore...I mean four....and I was even listening to the radio which although interesting didn't improve the situation at all.

By the end of 500 reps of all the exercises I couldn't shake the feeling that I had just wasted a whole hour of living! And one other thing, no make that two - why does the fit ball like to over complicate simple exercises that done on the floor are doable but done on the ball crush one knee into the floor while cramping other parts of the body that aren't even a part of the exercise? Yes, I'm looking at YOU ball!!

The second thing is the 5 million various exercises that work all the little bitty bits of the body. I hate sitting on the ball reading pages and pages of instructions to end up in a tangle of arms and legs uncomfortably propped up against the ball only to find that I the leg I am supposed to awkwardly be raising at an odd angle is stuck under the other one. All I can say, is thank goodness I'm not a multi armed or legged deity!

End rant: The only good thing I could glean from it is the fact that today I am really sore. And I actually love the feeling because it means I've worked. There has got to be a better way to strength train that lifting, pushing or pulling weights and please, please oh ever knowledgeable and wise bloggers tell me that its yoga!

Which category do you fall in - do you love weights or cardio? Have you found an enjoyable way to strength train?

Mandarins, possums, passion fruit and strawberries

2009-05-27T22:32:00.000+10:00

So much juicy goodness

The mandarins are now ripe, so while siting on the front stairs waiting for my mom to arrive I finally picked one. It was ripe, sweet and juicy and so fresher than fresh that I could feel my cells dancing with joy just like when I drink juice. I love the surge of excitement or happiness or ove for something that I enjoy doing. That's how I feel about my garden and the things that grow in it. It's a fair bit of work and the grasshoppers seem to be getting a disproportionally large share but I just love that I can grow at least some of my own food.

The evidence

I went to the back yard and noticed something unusual just by the compost bin - a passion fruit skin with a whole in it. This was clear evidence that the possums had been dining at their local restaurant last night. No wonder they thrive in suburbs! We have at least 2 living in our ceiling and they often eat fresh scraps from the compost bin which is about 20m from where they exit the house. What do they do the rest of the night then apart from making babies! We've had our fair share of those too.

Going out for the evening?

Anyway, I was confused by the skin as we hadn't thrown away any intact passion fruit recently. To my delight, I looked up and there in the mulberry tree was a passion fruit vine that had crept over from the neighbours with 4 deliciously ripe fruit dangling within reach. Heaven. They too are sweet and tantalising on the taste buds.

I hope there more!

Finally, it's time to plant strawberries. We bought 10 plants in a little bundle from the markets last weekend and hope to have a strawberry patch by our front door. They are 'Camarosa' variety which should produce big, red juicy fruit towards the end of the season. It's not an heirloom variety unfortunately and since it crops late we might have to procure some other types to have strawberries all winter long.

The new strawberry plants getting settled in.

Do you grow any of your own food? Ever had that surge of pride from eating something that you had put work into?

Establishing a routine....gulp

2009-05-26T22:34:00.000+10:00

Before I have time to change my mind about this 5K thing, I'm committing to a routine. You should know, that I absolutely despise routines so sticking to one may actually be harder then training. I wrote yesterday about not wanting to do it because of flawed motivation but since committing I realised I am ubber excited by the prospect of me being able to run for 5 whole kilometres. I think it is something I used to dream of in high school. It's time I got on with it then isn't it!?!

So the training plan comes from Cool Running: The Couch-to-5K-running-plan. The tittle sold me, but apart from that it seems simple enough to follow. Later down the track, there are also free training sessions through the race organisers so I hope to join in with those. Now for the really boring part, the actual plan:

Monday - Running training
Tuesday - Cycling & Body Balance
Wednesday - Running training
Thursday - Walk & Fit ball workout
Friday - Running training
Weekend - Walk one day, rest other day

Wow! That feels great just writing it down, I could physically feel the excitement (or was it anxiety) rippling through me. One minor detail - I don't have a suitable watch or distance measuring device (so not tech savvy if you can't tell) other than a trundle wheel (just kidding). Any recommendations on one that may be easy to use? Is following strict times or distances actually necessary? Do you have any training advice?

All talk and no action

2009-05-25T22:04:00.000+10:00

No figs where harmed during the photo shoot. Afterwards...now that's a different story!

Wanna know what cake we have this week? Probably not but that's not going to stop me! Again we have a layer cake that stands at over 10cm high. This week we have chocolate sponge top and bottom separated from the vanilla sponge by a layer of whipped cream with little jellies in it. And if that wasn't bad enough, we also received a handful of figs stuffed with white chocolate and dipped in dark chocolate. As my Mom packed these treats in a box for us I moaned that I would get sooo fat from all of these sweets. She brushed me off with a 'well if you only have a little piece each day' comment to which my husband promptly responded that the cake and figs were for him anyway! Ah my family is so helpful.

Anyway to the point of this post: a few months ago I decided I needed a fitness challenge. In my typical style I dreamt big - a bit like stating that I wouldn't even have a tiny piece of cake during the week. Yes, I went off and found one of the most physically challenging races I could - an adventure race - and suggested that as an option. Alternatively if the race was only to involve running, then the least I would train for was 10K. No small steps here - unless you're living on the edge you're taking up too much space is my motto!

Mainly because of the difficulty of the challenge I proposed to tackle, I began over analysing the situation in my head. Eventually I came to various conclusions and drafted a multitude of excuses why I shouldn't participate in any race or indeed train for an event. The main one that sticks out is the motivation behind trying to get super fit which has much less to do with health and much more to do with wanting love. I've keep meaning to blog about it (wanting love as motivation) but I haven't come up with a solution to the issue so it just pings around in my brain occasionally. In any case Charlotte at the Great Fitness Experiment wrote a perfect post about it last week. After all, if the motivation for exercising was more about others than myself and I didn't enjoy the process then trying would be bad. After extensive over thinking I have even worked out all the negative consequences I might face if I trained, most notably having higher expectations for my fitness in the future.

So, should the flawed motivation underpinning my desire to be fit enough to run a race stop me from actually training for one? I've finally reached the conclusion that it shouldn't because regardless of the reasons for it, the desire to improve my fitness is alive and kicking inside my head. So I've chosen a 5K run to participate in at the end of August. It's in my diary, it's on the blog so it's too late for thinking. Now I have a few months to train for something that is still a challenge, but not such a far cry from anything I have ever done before that it seems like climbing Mt Everest. I'll finally be taking little steps and not biting of more than I can chew.

Which brings me back to dessert. Little steps right?

The cake is calling to me

2009-05-20T14:45:00.000+10:00

Last week it was a rich, fudgy chocolate cake. This week, it's a Polish layer cake that stands at over 10cm tall a slice. The top is covered in chocolate icing and the next layer down is chocolate poppy seed sponge. After that I have no idea, because I was too busy eating my slice on Sunday to listen to the rest. It was delicious, although not as good as last weeks cake. The sad thing is, that I will probably never eat a slice of this cake again. My sister only cooks a recipe once...ever...and although a hefty piece lies invitingly on a plate in the fridge and calls to me, I won't eat it. I'm practising willpower and it hurts a lot. Mainly because I'm not very good at it.

Each week after dinner with my family we bring home some dessert, which usually last a day or two. But then by the second or third night, we've had a taste for sweets after dinner so the ice cream comes out of the freezer or chocolate or maybe some biscuits. Eventually I discover that I am actually eating a lot of sweets even as snacks on the weekend when I'm hungry and we are working on the house or landscaping. So I decided last week to stop having sweets during the week. I've tried every method that I've ever heard recommended to reduce sugar intake, but it simply hasn't worked. So now I am down to willpower, which isn't supposed to be very effective. But last week I got over my plateau by resisting chocolate cake so each time I am about to walk over to get a sugar fix I remind myself about that. I'm not sure how long I can keep my willpower muscle flexed, although it might just hold out until my husband finishes all the sweets in the house!

I'm curious, what are your secrets to controlling your sweet urges? Is willpower really hopeless or is it a show of strength? Isn't willpower supposed to be a good thing?

Myth busting exercise

2009-05-19T09:59:00.000+10:00

If you are anything like me - a bit of a novice in this exercise business - then perhaps you are also confused. The confusion stems from the amount of 'helpful' articles written about the best times, activities and speeds of exercise to get you well on your to getting your ideal body or getting over the plateau. And far too often I've trusted those articles that have told me that my exercise programme isn't working because it's not before breakfast or it's not in the optimum fat burning intensity. I've trusted the experts because the more I've learnt about exercise and specifically fat loss, the more confused I've gotten. Forget the 'just do it', because there is a right time and a right place and I obviously don't know what they are otherwise I wouldn't have plateaued. Right? Wrong and Choice is here to de-myth all the things I have believed about exercise and not in a fitness magazine type way. Most of their articles are by subscription, but this little gem isn't so you can read the whole article here. So, lets get to myth busting - here are my favourites.

1. My favourite fact: Chocolate = 1250kJ. One hour walk = 1250kJ. Chocolate here I come. And that's how we all gain weight. Why? (Please someone tell me I wasn't the only one who didn't know this!) Because sitting writing blog post for one hour = 625kJ. So walking only constitutes an additional expenditure of 625kJ over the amount I normally expend.

2. My least favourite fact: The reason I walk is because I'm in the optimum fat burning zone. Yup, that's the reason. It's got nothing to do with being lazy. And it's true that low intensity exercise burns more fat as a percentage of energy burned, except that the total amount of energy is really more important. So increasing intensity and leaving the zone will not only get me fitter, but also use more overall energy.

3. Not justify my hunger fact: If I exercise in the morning my metabolism is increased all day long. Which explains why I'm always hungry after morning exercise. False! While after burn does happen (known as excess post-exercise oxygen consumption) it is generally overestimated. For a meaningful after burn you would have to work long and hard, so my increased hunger is probably unjustified as is exercising in the morning for the sake of the after burn if it doesn't fit well into my routine.

4. The myth that changed my routine: Exercising on an empty stomach burns more fat. You hear something enough times and you believe it. So during my plateau I figured that if I exercised before dinner instead of after breakfast I would be home and hosed. Again, it's true that after fasting you burn more fat, but the total amount of energy expended is more important that whether it's fat or carbohydrate. Which is wonderful, because now I don't have to feel guilty for not wanting to get up at 5am!

5. It's a shame it's almost winter fact: I've always heard that swimming is not helpful for fat loss, not that I ever understood why and spent countless laps trying to work it out. Anyway, it's false as long as you don't eat more because you just spent lots of time in cold water and you work hard enough.

How about you? Did you know all of these already? Got any more of your own?

Thank you

2009-05-15T17:26:00.000+10:00

I don't think I have written very much about my downs over the last few months, mostly the ups. That isn't to say that there hasn't been plenty of bumps and doubts and feelings of failure, but mostly I wanted to focus on the positive on stuff that could be useful to others. And partly because I've been frustrated recently with this blog the focus of my animosity.

I haven't exactly been measuring my progress by kilo's lost but by how I felt about myself and exercise and food. Looking back the changes have been phenomenal. One year ago I certainly wouldn't have imagined that I would love going for a walk each day so much so that if I had a tail it would be wagging furiously each morning in anticipation. But despite the really good changes, I haven't been able to move past the desire to lose weight. And unfortunately that just stopped happening aka the plateau.

Trying to write in this blog reminded me of that every day and I felt like I was failing and it annoyed me a lot. I didn't want to be here, because I didn't want to think about how nothing was happening. But because of you dear readers I didn't want to give up on this blog, which would have meant giving up on myself too. It would have meant that I probably would have returned to my old habits because I could justify that this was just the way my body was and no amount of exercise or diet could improve it. I've finally pushed past the plateau although it did involve sacrificing my share of the most divine chocolate cake, but now I think it was worth it. I'm so glad I didn't give up and I wanted to thank you all for reading. Knowing you were out there has made a big difference and I really appreciate all your nice comments. I hope I can return the favour. Have a wonderful weekend :-)

There's no sense in not liking yourself

2009-05-14T13:33:00.000+10:00

I woke slowly, my consciousness returning after a long, deep sleep. My first thought was the same as every day; 'I don't' want to get up, it's so nice and warm in here.' The second; 'Hey look, I'm still here! Same thoughts, same issues, same me!' No, I don't' usually acknowledge my state of being when I wake up, except fro hunger that is.

Before I went to bed, I had looked up some song lyrics from an Aussie musical comedian - Tim Minchin - that I had watched a documentary on a few weeks ago. I've been to his performances before and he is a wonderful entertainer, with a dark sense of humour. Anyhow, the song was "Not Perfect" (check out the full song, it's great) and the lyrics I was interested in where these:

This is my body
And I live in it
It's twenty nine and twelve months old (Note: Will remember this line for when I turn 30!)
It's changed a lot since it was new
It's done stuff it wasn't built to do
I often try to fill it up with wine
And the weirdest thing about it is
I spend so much time hating it
But it never says a bad word about me

This is my body
And it's fine
It's where I spend the vast majority of my time
It's not perfect, but it's mine

So here I was again, another morning in the same body. And I bet tomorrow will be the same too, because I like Tim spend most of my time in my body, except for the occasional out of body experience obviously.

Now, just think about the pointlessness of not liking what you have been give. It might not be perfect, but hopefully I have a long time on this earth and if that's the case then I better get used to what I have, because quite frankly I'm kinda stuck here until I take my last breath. Unlike a bad marriage or job for example, I can't leave which give me two options; a) keep pointing out all my faults and make each day just that little bit more unhappy; or b) learn to love it.

Making the most of a bad situation then? Well, when you put it that way, perhaps the reflection is much better than I first thought!

Almost ripe for picking

2009-05-13T14:26:00.000+10:00

Every time I peer outside I see these little suckers that, when bathed in morning dew and the first rays of morning remind me that cold winter nights are coming . When we first moved into the house we planted the front yard out with a lemon, mandarin, orange, lime and grapefruit tree in the hopes of being self sufficient one day. Our little trees started out with a hard life, being planted at the start of the drought, where the grass and plants around them turned to brown and crisp. We rarely watered them after planting figuring they would have to learn to survive on their own. This wasn't the first drought and surely wouldn't be the last.

With the rain in spring last year, our mandarin flowered for the first time. Soon after tiny fruit appeared all over the little tree that in three years had grown barely one metre. The mandarins teased us over the summer, happily drinking in the hot summer days unchanged. Finally with the cooler days they started growing and then stopped.

Suddenly in the last few weeks the flush of orange has tinged their skin. It's like watching a sunrise in slow motion. I'm dreaming of our first freshly picked, juicy mandarins from our little tree, but they are keeping my waiting. For the time being, whenever I see them I am filled with the desire for a healthy, juicy life that's full of flavour just like them.

Juice and a dance of joy

2009-05-12T14:47:00.000+10:00

A colleague was once walking around the office, looking for a suitable distraction to pass the time away until 5pm. He had just finished one conversation and happened past my desk, books in hand. Being bored myself I was delighted with striking up a discussion and those books seemed like an easy topic. One had lots of juicing recipes and the other was "Slim 4 Life" by Jason Vale. 'Wow, what a promise,' I thought, 'gotta borrow me that book.' So borrow I did and read and read and read until there were no more words left by the following day. I was thrilled and in awe because I finally had the answer. All I needed to do was drink freshly squeezed juice for breakfast each morning and eat nothing but fruit and veggies until lunch. And better yet, there was absolutely no way I wouldn't lose weight!

The very next we began our new juicing regime after sneaking to my mom's place and taking her juicer. We bought huge bags of cheap apples and oranges and drank to our hearts content. Life couldn't have looked peachier, except that by the time I got to work I was starving. When 10am came around I'd already drank 5 glasses of water to try to fill my belly along with numerous cups of tea. Unless of course tea wasn't allowed. Thankfully, I don't remember any more. By 11am I wasn't able to think about anything except eating and lunch wasn't happening for another hour.

Convinced that this 'diet' was infallible (I was after all going to lose weight, right?) this continued for the whole week. The big positive was that once I got through the morning I could eat anything I wanted and eat I did! It was also either in the book or I just deluded myself that once my body got used to just juice in the morning it would stop screaming at me.

I must have made it up, because after a month of awful mornings, we gave up and went back to coffee and muesli for breakfast. Needless to say, I didn't lose any weight but probably gained some as my lunches got bigger to compensate for the hunger filled mornings. For a long time after that we didn't juice.

Recently on one not so special morning I decided I felt like some fresh juice. So after buying some fresh fruit and veggies from the markets we juiced after many years. It was as delicious as always but I couldn't help that old feeling of virtuousness. The book had promised that my cells would be dancing with delight at these morning concoctions and from the first sip I could feel it. The nutrients rapidly being absorbed and distributed to the far reaches of my body where the cells started shaking their hips and doing the salsa. It actually feels really odd but each time I drink juice I can't shake the feeling.

Any food or drinks that you feel very virtuous for eating? Does healthy food make your cells dance with joy?

The impact of Communism on my cooking

2009-05-11T13:18:00.000+10:00

I feel like an outsider. At some point when the western world got the memo that we were all way too busy to cook, I must have been in France. I didn't get the memo and sometimes when my mind is particularly not busy it muses over the fact that their must be something wrong with my life. I mustn't be doing enough because the truth is, I do have time to cook. And what's more, I don't love it - the obvious conclusion most people verbalise - it's because I enjoy the flip side of cooking, the eating part. And I always get stumped by that statement 'I don't have time to cook' because in my mind, if you don't cook what do you eat?

I've always been puzzled by this, as well as the Slow Food Movement, because who needs to join a movement when we already practise what they preach? Right? Well it turns out that I have made two false assumptions, one of which I only found out recently. The first is that pre-prepared food like frozen meals are pretty normal in most households and cooking is in the 'don't have time' basket. Well, I've known that one for a long time, since meeting my husband and finding out that his sister can live exclusively on steamed frozen vegetables and fish fingers.

But the second assumption was busted just a few weeks back when I read on a blog (and I apologize that I can't remember which one) that convenience and processed food started being introduced in the 50's. I had mistakenly thought it was a recent phenomenon which was why I was puzzled by how frequently my peers admitted to not knowing how to cook and were amazed that I knew how to cook 'from scratch' a term that I found really peculiarly when I first heard it (At the time I actually hadn't know that there was any other option). Apparently their parents hadn't passed on those skills because they weren't doing it themselves. Domestic culinary life had changed much earlier than I had thought which was why it turned out my upbringing was so different to most of my friends.

My parents grew up behind the Iron Curtain under communism in the former USSR. While I don't' know much about what it was like, I always remember my grandmother's stories of people queuing up in the street for hours when certain products hit the shelves of a particular store. Just before my birth, times were especially tough with families receiving ration cards. My parents would trade their cigarette cards with friends for additional food cards to better feed their kids. Obviously with scarcity in food, little variety and being cut off from the west, processed food was something that was never part of my parent's upbringing. By the time we moved to the West shortly before the Iron Curtain fell, cooking in my family was the way a person fed themselves.

Growing up, processed or pre-prepared food never entered our household and dinner times were always sacred. I remember once on a shopping trip suggesting a jar of pasta sauce instead of making our own that week, but my mom turned it down because she didn't like the taste. It would seem that if you were accustomed from childhood to home cooking the stuff in a jar just couldn't compare taste wise. When I was young I was enamoured with the convenience factor and always looked at the pasta sauce jars wistfully as we passed them by on our weekly shopping trip. I cooked for the family one evening a week (and it was usually pasta) but my family simply would not accept a compromise in taste over my convenience. Obviously years and years of this have rubbed off on me too, because now when I do the bulk of the cooking, I choose to shun the jars and even occasionally go to the lengths of making my own pasta. So these days apart from all the other good reasons like avoiding preservatives, that is why I cook. I do it, because as far as I am concerned, no matter how busy life is cooking is a daily part of living, like taking a shower or sleeping.

Because food is something I am passionate about I often wonder what my generations kids are going to be like in the kitchen. Is cooking something that will one day be left exclusively to others or will programs like the Slow Food Movement resurrect the forgotten art? Is it possible that the economic woes will drive people back to the kitchen simply for financial reasons?

What's your attitude to cooking? Has your upbringing affected your time spent in the kitchen? Do you wish you had more time to prepare your own food? Or are you perfectly happy to leave it to others?

'The thigh bone's connected to the knee bone'

2009-05-07T15:34:00.000+10:00

So it turns out that the anatomy lessons in primary school were right. Who would have thought! And with the lyrics of that song which is "Dem Bones" (in case you, like I didn't know) ends my vast knowledge of human anatomy. On the bright side I have promised to me the loan of one anatomy textbook for my reading pleasure which I will no doubt serve to enlighten (with somewhat more accuracy) future blog posts. Anyhow, the point is that I have no clue as to the intricate workings of the human body, movement or exercise - apart from being the proud owner of an 80's model that is! But it doesn't stop me from wanting to learn all the intricate details, especially when stuff goes wrong.

Conveniently (for my learning) stuff has gone wrong. I have a pain in the butt and it does not involve any leather today. Rather when I stop cycling and put my leg down on the ground I get a very bad cramp in my hip. After cycling one day and then doing a balance class, the cramp was excruciating in some of the yoga standing strength poses. What a wonderful opportunity then to grill (I mean politely ask just one or two questions) of the instructor. And guess what, I learnt that primary school anatomy was right; the thigh bone is indeed connected to the knee bone, which in turn is connected to the shin bone. And because of a tiny bit of inferior muscle strength in my gluteus medius (yup apparently there's more to the butt than the gluteus maximus) my whole leg is out. That's the technical term. When I stand my left foot is typically placed at a 45 degree angle and whilst walking my left knee falls towards the outside of my foot which I noticed after it started hurting a few weeks back.

OK, so my exact bone alignment isn't interesting to anyone else but me and perhaps the physio that I may need to see if the Jane Fonda type exercises found at Summer Fitness that I shall be doing to help strengthen that medius muscle don't solve the problem. But what I would like to leave you pondering is the incredible body that we all have. The fact that it is an amazing system where everything is linked and when one thing falls out of whack or isn't as strong as it should be, then all the other parts of us suffer as well. And that's not just applicable to the body or even health, but to all of life.

'Because I look good in leather'

2009-05-06T13:43:00.000+10:00

Yes, yes I do. Or at least I will (have to). I got a role, I got a role and my theatrical debut is of a jilted bride turned man hating crusader who coincidentally gets dressed up in bondage gear! What an ideal role for me, except of course now comes the tough decision of choosing an appropriate outfit from my wardrobe. Just kidding!

Of course the first thought that came into my head when they asked if I will be comfortable in such a costume on stage was 'Hello Motivation'. Naturally it is motivation to kick my soon to be leather clad ass (in front of an audience of thousands...well maybe about 100) into gear and umm actually do that interval training, as well as weights and say no to cookie number 2. Oops, I hadn't mentioned I was a slack ass had I?

Apart from being pretty shallow (because we all know my fabulous acting talents are what will really carry me through) I have no doubt that leather pants and an audience seated at butt height is a fair reason for wanting to shape up, but it turns out that 'motivation' is flawed. The problem is that when using an event as motivation the timeline is too finite. It goes against slowly changing one's lifestyle to following a regime for a set period of time. At best once the goal is accomplished the exercise gets ramped down and multiple cookies re-enter the diet or the goal is not achievable in which case all too familiar feelings of failure and frumpiness loom on the emotional spectrum. So what to do then?

a) Set a goal and work hard for the next 3 months;
b) accept how I look in leather now and just keep doing what I am doing (2 cookies accepted);
c) or work harder without a time frame because I have just confessed to being slack anyway as well as eating at least 2 cookies each day?

What are you working towards? Have you got a clear time frame or goal in mind? Has motivation worked for you in the past?

Reasons not to think during class

2009-04-29T15:03:00.000+10:00

It all started when the instructor told us to stand with feet hip width apart. I watched as half the class in my view range took a big step out. Instantly I remembered a yoga instructor pointing out that we must all think we have huge hips if where we placed our feet was the definition of hip width. Within seconds I had made a mental note to mention that at some point. For the rest of the class I couldn't focus on anything but what I wanted to write. So hear is what I learnt: a few reasons not to write blog posts in your head during a body balance class.

Feeling silly: When the instructor goes left and 30 other people follow, except you. Because you were still mulling over all the other interesting things that you have noticed in the gym since you walked in 5 minutes ago.

Body rebellion: Because you aren't paying attention to your body whilst holding the various poses you get cramps in odd places. Like your feet whilst doing a balance pose. You avoid toppling over with difficulty and endeavour to start focusing right then and there.

This one was actually useful: Which last about 5 seconds until you begin wondering if anyone knows the reason why they do balance poses straight after standing strength when your leg muscles are the most fatigued and hence it's most difficult to hold the position without shaking. You resolve to ask the instructor at the end simply so that you can enlighten others who may have been wondering the same thing.

Feelings of inadequacy: Seeing as you aren't paying attention anyway, even in the darkened room you notice what everyone else is doing. And you wonder why everyone else can reach forward way further than you. You resolve to stretch more because you feel woefully inadequate.

Disturbing others: Absentmindedly you hit someone else whilst sweeping your arms across your body, because you didn't notice how far to one side you had travelled. Apologetically you shuffle back over to your own spot.

Not relaxing: And finally you see relaxation as a perfect opportunity to go over all your wonderful thoughts during the class, which is the exact opposite of what you should be doing.

How about you? Any stories from classes you've been to when you couldn't pay attention?

At the beginning of yoga

2009-04-28T13:38:00.000+10:00

I brought up the subject of Bette Calman the yoga 'supergran' with my husband the other day. His response was that if he had had 50 years to practise he would also be that flexible! I love it and guess who now has a new challenge. For a change it isn't me, it's him. But I'll be supportive.

Over Easter I acquired a new book for my collection. Well, I should use the term 'new' loosely in this case, with its yellow stains, dog eared corners and pages that have come away from their binding. But the book has I story that I can only guess at. It's a second edition little paper back called 'Yoga Postures' by James Hewitt. Interestingly this 1982 edition was only authorised for sale in India, Ceylon, Nepal, Sikkim, Bhutan, Bangladesh, Burma, Thailand, Indonesia, Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam and Korea. Now that sounds like a list of places I would love to visit!

Apart from the cute black and white illustrations what struck me was the introduction. The author speaks of how the average Westerner is "lamentably out of touch with his muscles and joints, which have stiffened up and lost tone and elasticity". So, not much has changed in the last 25 years. He also goes on to speak about how yoga practise, unlike martial arts for example is rewarding at every level regardless of skill and suppleness, perhaps even being the most useful for beginners. That's a positive way of looking at it, because sometimes trying a new posture where you feel stupid and awkward can make you not want to try again. And yet, when you feel that way you stand to gain the most. I will remind my husband as he is starts his 50 years of practise!

It's a sign and other tidbits

2009-04-27T15:42:00.000+10:00

For those of us who tend to enjoying over analysing stuff, like signs on bus stops, well the plot thickens. Some posts back I wrote about the sign on the bus stop that on my daily walk burst my bubble of smugness. You know the one about 'how do you measure up?' which reminds me that I am not perfect. Well as an aside, I have reached the conclusion that I will never 'measure up' unless I start measuring my waist in a different spot which conveniently is not located near my belly button like the woman in the picture. Actually, if you can advise where to measure your waist that would be most useful. But in any case, the sign is gone! World domination here I come. It's been replaced with......

....yes, that is spaghetti and meatballs. White spaghetti, just think of the lack of nutritional benefits and hit of glucose to the blood stream!?! Oh the horror. What does this all mean, why do they like to confuse me like this! Well, I thought it was funny anyway....

On another sign that needs no analysing but just liked and wanted to share:

"Smiling increases the face value of your assets."

On a final note; an update about the no shampoo experiment. It's been 2 weeks now since I last washed and I was about to give up as in the last few days it got really oily and the bicarb soda and vinegar rinse was doing nothing and combing it 100 times was making it fall out. Seriously, anyone want a wig? Anyway, this morning after a rather liberal 'sprinkle' of bicarb soda it's as clean and soft as though I had used shampoo but minus the tangles and frizz despite viscous, I mean therapeutic massaging of the scalp. Could it be that shampoo free is possible?

Miss Universe Australia and the Supergran

2009-04-24T09:59:00.000+10:00

It seems that this week, Miss Universe controversy abounds. The story today is that one of the 32 finalists of the Miss Universe Australia beauty pageant has been labelled by disturbed onlookers and the media as having an eating disorder. The model in question Stephanie Naumoska is 180cm tall and weighs only 49kg, which gives her a BMI of 15.1. She is of Macedonian heritage and the organiser of the pageant have cited this as simply being her body type. Fellow contests have rallied in her defense and she has spoken out herself stating that she eats well and is happy with her body the way it is. Well, probably not any more.

One the one hand it is frightening to see her pass through to the final, thereby being someone's definition of beautiful, on the other hand I remembered about a few people I went to school with. All were very skinny and one of confessed to being unhappy with her body because of being consistely told she looked anorexic and helpfully advised to eat more. I knew her well enough to know that she did not have an eating disorder. Could it be that this is the case for this woman? I doubt we will ever know the truth.

In any case, although this skinny might not be very common, is it necessary to criticise everyone for their size? Those carrying extra weight are criticised, those deemed to be carrying too little weight are, women with curves are labelled as 'real women' which perhaps leaves those without thinking they aren't ok either. Crazy would be a mild term to describe the extremities that are evident in our society regarding body image. On the one hand we have a media that pushes unaturally skinny, while the average person is overweight. We have children as young as five who are showing signs of eating disorders and most women dislike their bodies. Would it be fair to say that we are sending the wrong message to almost every woman?

And now to a woman who I do aspire to - Bette Calman the yoga 'supergran'. She is an 83 year old yoga teacher who proves that you are never too old. It is inspiring to see that old age doesn't have to bring frailty. Her pictures are really amazing. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my yoga mat.

On judging and being judged

2009-04-23T14:49:00.000+10:00

I noticed my reflection in the mirror as I walked into the room. It just wasn't right, so I tugged on my top. That wasn't enough as my belly was still poking out from my loose fitting top. I straightened up and braced my core. We were hanging out at a friends place looking around at the house and after catching sight of myself I started to feel uncomfortable. I realised it probably had a lot to do with my friends presence. In confidence I had found out a few weeks ago his unrealistic expectations of women's bodies. Seriously unrealistic. Thankfully that isn't my battle to fight, but here I was in his presence feeling judged. And suddenly, I felt fat.

Except perhaps when we first met this friend, it had never occurred to me that my appearance might be scrutinised. As soon as I was, I became self conscious. That's precisely what happens in situations when I am feeling like I am being judged. And I usually know when those times are. There is a reason why I absolutely hate going to the gym and it's got more to do with my fellow gym goers than the awful smell of years of human sweat that's been recycled through the air conditioning units and has seeped into the carpet.

I feel like I am being judged when I myself am doing the judging. And by this I don't necessarily mean criticising others but rather comparing myself for better or for worse. It stands to reason in my mind that if I am comparing, there is a very good chance that others are also which means they have probably noticed my flaws. Which brings my attention to my flaws. Which makes me feel bad. Which is a great way to erode positive body image. Which is why I need to stop being judgemental of others so that I can like myself better.

Hair care or a lack thereof

2009-04-22T13:50:00.000+10:00

There are times when it's probably a good thing you only know me on the bloggosphere not in reality. Additionally, living on the other side of the planet might be a good thing too just in case you happen to pass my way. I say this as though I have no faith in the experiment I have decided to once again do. Well maybe I don't! When I wrote about not using shampoo the comments overwhelmingly suggested that some of you may stop if given a sufficiently compelling reason. So, I was inspired again to try to provide that reason. I'm not sure why. I have a suspicion that it has to do with my own inexplicable desire to stop washing my hair. Not that I don't like doing it, because some days I have to stop myself from reaching for the shampoo because its such a nice thing to do. No, it's more likely that when it comes to hair care (amongst other things) I am extremely lazy. My hair always seems to need washing at the most inconvenient times and I usually find myself going out with wet, un-styled hair. I often laugh at myself for sporting the drowned rat look and hope that one day I might be cool enough for the look to catch on. Whenever my hair dresser asks if I blow dry my hair I suggest that if her definition of 'blow drying' is winding the window down in the car, then yes I do it frequently. What about product? Well, the idea of styling my hair with it's own oil actually sounds rather fuss free which greatly appeals. So, while I do get grossed out by greasy hair, especially that's been scrunched under a hat all day (happens every weekend) I can certainly see the appeal of not washing. So I'm giving the no hair washing another go, for as long as I can last.

This time around I am following some sage advice with using a bicarb soda recipe to help control the oil and a rinse to keep my hair nice and soft. The recipes can be found here. I'm aiming at doing this about twice a week.

A few of the benefits from last time include:

Not needing to wash as frequently. I used to wash every 2 days and at the end of the second it already looked lanky. After the last no shampoo stint and despite aforementioned hat weekends and exercising daily with various amounts of sweating I can stretch to a week.
Fewer knots. My hair loves to knot. I recently cut it back to my shoulders after spending half an hour untangling after wearing it out one evening. It tangles less when it isn't squeaky clean.
Less frizz. My beautifully washed, soft silky hair does not look like in the shampoo ads. I get little horns from the side with a light frizz all over and my hair isn't even close to curly. My unwashed hair does not have this problem, a big upshot when styling and not wishing to use copious amounts of product with dubious ingredients.

So anyone else interested in joining in?!

What are you waiting for?

2009-04-21T07:28:00.000+10:00

I've always wanted to act. Perhaps it's the attention seeking streak or maybe the desire to use my 'powerful' (read: loud) voice. Either way, I've always wanted to be on stage in costume in front of an audience. I'm not talking Hollywood, but theatre. But I've always put it off. Not because being on stage would be a great leap outside of my comfort zone, but rather that I always promised myself I'd lose some weight first.

Unfortunately, as time went by instead of getting smaller I slowly got bigger and at the only time when I perceived myself as sufficiently skinny (although still with a few kilo's to lose) I was far too busy at uni to take on something like theatre. So the idea of performing drifted around in my head for years, occasionally bumping into all the other dreams that I would fulfil when I was slim enough.

The Buddhists say that you should "abandon any hope of fruition". As long as you are wishing for things to change, they never will so you should relax into and enjoy living the life you want now. It's about not putting off living until a future date when I feel adequate. Because really, it never was about the extra kilo's but about accepting myself the way I am.

I finally decided to take the first step into living in the present. I joined a local theatre group and went to the first meeting last night. I was received warmly and unsurprisingly, it didn't matter how I looked. Instead I was challenged to act - funny thing for a theatre group!

Now I have a new challenge to do all the other things I have been putting off until I could accept my body. The first is obvious; the notion that I won't be happy until I have an ideal body. How common is that, especially in spring!?! What about not wearing certain items of clothing until I look perfect or buying an outfit that is slightly too small, but will be a great fit after a little weight loss. Or choosing not to plan a snorkeling holiday until I have the look of my dreams to match. How much have I been living in the future? I guess I'm about to find out!

How about you? Are you or have you put off something until you have your ideal body? Or have you put things off until you would be fitter or stronger or had mastered a particular skill or talents? Or do you just take the bull by the horns and are living in the now?

I'm perfect, but not

2009-04-17T11:30:00.000+10:00

Juicy Stanthorpe Apples

Every morning I get up out of bed drawn by the scent of a freshly made cappuccino (I might not get up otherwise) have breakfast, lace up my walking shoes and do the usual circuit. These last few weeks, with each bouncing step I take, the smugness grows (exponentially faster if I jog). Thoughts along the lines of me being the champion of the universe and if everyone just started listening to MOI then most people on the planet would be eating healthy and in great shape. *SIGH* On my walks I usually write posts in my head (I just wish they would hurry up an invent a memory stick to capture those thoughts because by George they are brilliant, which usually declines once I actually write them down) and I keep thinking, what more can I say about health that I haven't already mentioned? I'm down to that boring bit where the revelations are few and far between and it's just a matter of doing same old, same old.

As the endorphins flow I begin to think I don't even need to lose weight anymore, it was the ten kilo's in my brain that were mostly weighing me down. Besides, I feel fantastic so I must look fantastic also - logical conclusion hey? Again I think, wouldn't the world be a healthy place if everyone was just like me! Ah yes and then the government steps in on the final straight home to relieve me of my smugness. On the bus stops on either side of the road they have put posters up for their 'how do you measure up campaign' and the women's one is on the side I usually walk on. Grimacing each day as I walk past I read 'most women with waists over 80cm are at risk of serious chronic disease'. Each day I am brought back down to earth (thankfully) about my juicy apple shaped body, which despite falling in the healthy BMI range is still at risk of chronic disease...at only 25.

So despite having fostered a relatively good body image these last few months I still have some work to do so the healthy inside matches the outside. I am curious about what this body with a waist under 80cm shall look like too - seeing as I've felt so positive I ditched the idea of an ideal body a while ago. I'm all about finding a healthy lifestyle I actually want to live and letting my body respond. I will acknowledge this shift in thinking has only been possible through improving my current body image - you know, those ten kilo's I lost mentally - before my ideal body was firmly etched on my brain!

Out of all the things that puzzle me on a regular basis, today's winner is: what does a healthy body look like then? The media tells us it's very slim but muscly or skinny and both of them airbrushed while Dove tells us it's real women. Yet my own government reminds me on a daily basis that I'm at an increased risk of disease because I have a nasty habit of storing excess Easter eggs around my belly. So the 'real women' tag applies to luscious pears but not so readily to ripe apples. Talk about conflicting messages!

What do you think? Do you consider someone outside of the 'healthy standards' as still being healthy? Do you think the other factors related to chronic disease are more important than the size of your waist? Does none of this really matter anyway because healthy living is no guarantee of escaping illness anyway so bring on the jelly belly?

Be your own cheer squad

2009-04-16T12:58:00.000+10:00

Previous foolishness at the summit of Crown Range, NZ

There are lots of things that I love about exercising outdoors - hearing birds in the trees, breathing the fresh air, enjoying the warmth of the sun on a cool morning - but most useful on the quest for fitness has got to be a lack of choice. You see on a treadmill, when my leg muscles are aching from the incline, I just decrease the slope. When the resistance on the bike is too high, no worries I can go back to easy and of course if there are too many stairs I get off the stair machine. Actually I have never been on the stair machine because it looks like torture. In any case, in the great outdoors you simply don't get that choice, there is only the art of avoiding. Except the art of avoidance ultimately fails when you foolishly opt for a 'challenge' without properly considering your capabilities. But we all do that right?

Over the weekend, I shunned the group and decided to ride into Tenterfield from the cabins we were staying at. It was an awesome ride, challenging and hilly but without much traffic so I got to enjoy at a human pace the gorgeous countryside and all that little critters that inhabit it. Probably too closely in fact. As I rode up one hill, two dogs came running out of a property and ran around me just in front on my slow moving tyres constantly barking. One even grabbed my sandal and tore the corner off, although I am thankful the viscous beast didn't latch onto my leg instead. Otherwise, delightedly peddling along, I thought to myself how much I would enjoy doing more cycle touring (with more training unlike NZ) because the slower pace allowed me to take note of all the little details. I was basking in smug glory over my cycling prowess upon reaching town, while I drank coffee and nibbled on dried fruit with my sister's in-laws. After turning down lunch with them (and a lift home) I set my sights on a 25km scenic route that promised lookouts and 14km of dirt riding. Heaven.

Enthusiastically I demolished the first few hills, whilst watching big grey kangaroos deftly dodging cars and thinking how wonderful it was to be cycling and not have to worry about a potential collision with our national emblem. Then I started to get hungry and eventually facing yet another hill I figured I would eat my sandwich that I had so wisely packed. But alas, the sandwich wasn't there! It was gone. I thought of the savage dogs, imagining that they must have plucked my precious lunch from my backpack, or maybe it was a hungry passer-by in the cafe. Or maybe I had just forgotten to pack it. Me? Forget to pack my lunch, impossible! About 16km from home, with an empty stomach, I set my sights for home.

The road back into town wasn't too difficult, as most of the scenic route had been uphill. It was the road home that was more uphill than down. Despite my hungry state I decided not to buy lunch in town, thinking of my poor sandwich left behind somewhere or devoured by bloodthirsty dogs. I peddled on and at first it was ll good, but soon I felt my energy stores depleting, rapidly. I don't know why it happens, but I seem to quickly lose energy when I haven't eaten as opposed to other's who can keep going with or without food (so much for those fat stores, damn it, burn them body before complaining of hunger!). So, the hills grew higher, the down hills shorter and the road surface bumpier while my tires became knobbier. I began wondering if I would make it as the journey home to my sandwich was taking an awful lot longer than the same trip in the other direction.

And that is where the wonderful (or not so great at the time) part of exercising outdoors comes in. I got myself into doing the ultimate work out because I didn't have a choice, the road to the sandwich didn't care about my hunger or fatiguing muscles. But even more importantly, the muscle between my ears got a great workout in positive self talk. Apparently my brain had an epiphany that looking at the hill and moaning "I can''t do it, it's too steep" was not particularly helpful. Instead (and this might have been an attempt at reverse psychology) it said "you can do it"! I slowly rode up all the enormous hills and I could almost see the legions of cheering fans that my mind had dreamed up for me standing on the side of the road shouting 'you're almost there'. And it's funny, because adopting this positive attitude actually made me enjoy the ride where I otherwise would have hated it and vowed never to ride somewhere without mobile phone coverage. In the end, it turned out that the sandwich had indeed been left behind on the kitchen bench and was eaten immediately upon return. That was the last time I felt any sort of hunger for 3 days!

So have you turned an uncomfortable situation into an enjoyable one through positive thinking? Do you regularly push yourself along when challenged by being your own cheer squad? Or do you think the positive self talk is a total load of crap?

Someone please pass me a celery stick

2009-04-15T10:43:00.001+10:00

I hope you all had a lovely long weekend, celebrating or not celebrating Easter. We (my stomach and I) had a great time away in lovely Tenterfield with its autumn colours, rolling countryside and stunning National Parks. For the second year in a row my family spent the four days down there in a couple of little cabins tucked away next to a creek, enjoying camp fires, singing, bush poetry and our usual Polish Easter traditions. Specifically, that would be food and lots of it. For my family, both Christmas and Easter mean feasting. Not because of Lent or feasting on Good Friday and Easter Saturday, but because these are the only two times of the year that we make traditional Polish food. At some point many years ago, we began experimenting with the food of our new homeland - the food of others. We started cooking Italian pastas, Thai curries, Portuguese fish and any mix of food from around the world that is so readily available in Australia. Slowly but surely, Polish food faded off the menu of everyday cooking and now appears only twice a year when we gather to feast. By the end of breakfast, everyone usually holds their bellies, muttering that they really need a nap now, because eating has been so exhausting. Instead my sister pokes and prods us all and we go for a shortish walk to 'gently exercise our stomach muscles'.

This year was no different, but it turns out that I am different or more specifically my stomach. Before the trip I enquired as to who would be bringing he snacks, fruit and veggies. After much mockery at my expense, my family couldn't fathom why I would want to bring celery sticks, reassuring me that there would be plenty of food. Reflecting on their jokes about my eating habits, I thought that perhaps I was over reacting and I could in fact just stick with what the group was eating.

Unfortunately it turns out I can't and I'm not sure if that's a reflection on my strangeness or theirs. My eyes still water thinking about a 'salad' that was made primarily from potatoes or the half eaten brown avocado handed to me when I enquired as to the availability of more fresh produce. Argh, what have I become!?! Furthermore, feasting feels ghastly. Who would ever have thought that I would one day actually want to feel hungry? It is really fascinating how the body adjusts to eating patterns. At one stage in my life I thought my body loved fat and sugar and that was how things were going to be. Now my two day headache proves that sugar and I are not friends. I used to be able to happily overeat and sure I didn't feel great for a little while, but not 3 days! And Sundays feast was nothing compared to last year, when while 'gently exercising my stomach muscles' I felt like I was going to vomit. What puzzles me, is how few little changes I have made and yet the side effects are huge. The body is indeed a fascinating thing and by constantly adapting, apparently I haven't got it figured yet and I need to keep listening. That or perhaps not making the sugar mistake so often. Either way....where did I put those celery sticks....

No shampoo experiment

2009-04-09T12:01:00.000+10:00

A little while ago I found this article in the Ecologist about what cosmetics to avoid. I have been wary of the long list of chemicals for a while given that what you put on your skin may eventually end up as toxins in your body. At least that makes perfect sense to me. More so, after a holiday at the beach, swimming daily in the ocean I came to the conclusion that the long list of cosmetics for daily facial care may not actually be necessary. Although a colleague pointed out that just being relaxed and exercising was probably the reason for my healthy complexion, I liked the idea of not using half the cosmetics I had been told were necessary, but didn’t really help. Since then, I’ve been using as few products that are as natural as possible. In an effort to simplify, it had never occurred to me that I could do away with shampoo though. Thank you cosmo for enlightening me with an article about how shampoo is unnecessary (please, please don’t ask me why I was reading cosmo…yes, I am ashamed…)

Anyhow, they did an experiment of 5 women who stopped washing their hair for 6 weeks to test the theory that the natural oils on the scalp will self regulate once they stop being continually stripped. As I delved deeper, I found out that plenty of people out there don’t wash their hair and claim to have healthier hair for it. The women in the article had mixed reactions to the experiment and most were grateful for shampoo at the end of it. Except one, who found out that she had curls after a couple of weeks sans shampoo. Gorgeous curls. I was sold. I’ve always wanted curly hair and if the way to get it was to not wash it then I could do that! Yes, ‘normal’ people would probably get a perm or use curlers, by I am far to lazy and cheap ass for something like that – my definition of blow drying is to wind down the window in the car.

So I stopped washing my hair. One week went by and no curls appeared, just a fair bit of oil. Two weeks went by and still no curls but my hair seemed thicker and for the first time ever slicked back nicely in a ponytail without the usual stray bits sticking out all over the place. Granted I was lucky given this was my only hair style option as my hair was looking pretty gross out. By week three I gave up hopping curls would appear. Week four was fairly uneventful, except I figured that my hair was just not going to stabilise itself and would be greasy forever. I never made it to week 5. Halfway through the fourth week I got sick of grease on my comb and I washed it. I figured if there was no curls to be had, then it simply wasn’t worth putting up with the same slick hairstyle all the time. On the bright side, since that experiment it needs washing much less frequently which suggests that regularly stripping the scalp of oil isn’t such a great thing.

Last night on ‘What’s good for you’ they did the same experiment. Except in the case of the two volunteers they also did a microscopic scan of their scalps before and after the 6 weeks. Needless to say, the after images looked rather unappealing to the point where both of them were probably going to run straight for the shower, like I felt like doing.

On the same show, they were also trying to prove wether or not men can tolerate pain as much as women can by simulating labour on the host of the show. They had him hooked up to a device that sent electrical signals that contracted his stomach muscles. They accepted that this wasn’t the same but sufficient to test his ability to withstand the pain. After two hours of ‘contractions’ when they were spaced 2 minutes apart and lasting for 60 seconds he stopped the experiment. The midwife who was present indicated that it may have taken another 12 hours to deliver an actual baby. Ironically, as I sat comfortably on the couch watching, my friend was in the last hour of labour. She delivered a healthy baby girl last night and I can’t wait for the first introduction today!

So do you think that what you put on your skin is as important as what you put in your body? Do you or would you stop washing your hair? Do you agree that women's pain thresholds are higher then mens?

Maintaining a healthy body

2009-04-07T15:47:00.000+10:00

It’s so great to be back! You see, my biggest computer problem apparently wasn’t iTunes. I didn’t actually manage to get that working. In fact, I probably made things worse, by downloading a program that was supposed to help, but instead was a known virus. Thanks computer forums! It turns out, that wasn’t even the biggest issue as my savvy computer brother informed me. Apart from a variety of nasty worms and bugs, I had compressed my entire hard drive, my disk was badly fragmented and the virus buster not up to scratch. Basically it was slow, stuffed and at risk of intrusion by hackers. So after a stint at the doctors, I’m glad to say my computer is back and in good health.

Needless to say, being internet and computer free nearly drove me crazy, after all how can you resolve discussions if you can’t ask google and find out who is right? Yes, I know, it’s not about being ‘right’ but really it is, especially when the person you are debating with is making stuff up. I hate that. Annoyed as I was for this enforced separation between me and google, oops I mean the lap top, I figured it was after all my fault for not maintaining my computer properly. As with anything in life (like a virus buster) you get what you pay for (if it’s free, not much). So if I didn’t maintain my poor computer properly, how was I doing with other things in life? How well was I actually looking after my health? Am I preforming well on the surface, but full of wisdom teeth that should have been removed, I mean bugs underneath that only an expert would know about? I’ve grown more and more concerned about this, because I am terrible with maintenance. I don’t go to the doctor or dentists until I absolutely can not stand whatever is ailing me any more. I’ve spent the last week wondering what I should be doing to maintain my health to avoid needing the doctor in the first place. Thanks to google, here are the answers and as it turns out, today is also World Health Day.

I should point out, that my only qualification for giving out such advice is that I have a body, probably like you do, which would not make me a credible source. So, please don’t consider the following as advice. Any use of the information below is at your own risk. Sources of information may or may not be accurate, please do your own research for your own circumstances.

Wear earplugs
Get enough sleep
Wear good quality polarized sunnies that block UVA and UVB
Know your body composition
Know your family’s health history
Know your cancer risk
Know your cholesterol levels. Check every 5 years.
Know your resting heart rate
Keep your waist below 80cm
Eat loads of veggies
Eat everything in moderation
Spend time with friends and family
Laugh, lots
Take time out to relax
Have lots of sex
Avoid taking antibiotics
Don’t overeat
Avoid processed food
Limit alcohol intake and have alcohol free days
Brush floss and mouthwash daily
Slip, slop, slap
Exercise daily
Regularly do a self breast exam
Avoid watching tv or using the pc just before bed time
Relax before going to bed
Drink up to 3 cups of coffee a day (Organic, fair trade, shade grown)
Keep a personal medical record dairy
Keep emergency contact details in your wallet and phone as well as a list of allergies or drug sensitivities, or conditions you have
Improve your self esteem
Volunteer
Stop over analysing
Meditate
Avoid high heels
Wear a bike helmet and wear it properly
Stretch after every workout
Build up muscle
Check your vaccinations are up to date
Alway wear a seatbelt and don’t speed either, or talk on the mobile or drink & drive
Find out if your definition of healthy food is the same as your bodies
During child bearing years, get enough folate
Visit the dentist every 6 months
Screen for STD’s
Practise safe sex
Get your skin checked annually for melanoma’s
Check your moles regularly and notice any changes
Get an annual breast and pelvic exam and pap smear
Get your eyes tested annually
Get an annual mammogram after 40.
Every 2-3 years get a physical checking heartbeat, blood pressure, height and weight
Screen for diabetes after 45 every 2-3 years
Get a thyroid check after 35 every 5 years
Have a properly functioning smoke detector
Use your brain, regularly.
Get a pet or a plant (and don’t kill either of them)
Wear properly fitted bras
Stop smoking
Drink enough water, but not too much
Be positive
Sit and stand tall
Throw out the mascara after a month
Find a good trainer who teaches safe exercise
Find a good doctor/dentist/physio/shrink who listens
Wear properly fitted exercise shoes and replace them regularly
Swim between the flags and become a strong swimmer
Learn first aid – it might save someone’s life
Don’t kill snakes, that’s how most people get bitten
Don’t do stupid stuff like swimming under the influence
Be a smart traveller, know the dangers

Now over to you. What have I missed or got totally wrong?
*Edit - apart from the font....apparently not all is well :-(

Brain vs Computer

2009-03-31T17:53:00.000+10:00

Due to unforseen circumstances, I have found myself cleaning up my computer. ITunes rebelled, wiped my Ipod and it is taking forever to fix the problems. Needless to say, when I get to fixing things or cleaning I can see ALL the dusty places that I knew needed some work, but kept putting off. So I find myself scanning and deleting and looking for all the nasty computer viruses that may or may not be present. It has got me to thinking, wouldn’t it be wonderful if my brain operated like my computer, or better actually. If I could do a scan and get rid of malicious threats aka negative thoughts. Or maybe a could just pop the infections (aka self doubt, over analysis) into quarantine. Well at least until I figure out if they are actually destructive or protective. Oh and I would love to be able to download updates for my brain too. That way I could intrinsically know stuff without having to go through the painful experience of learning. But at the same time I shudder to think of all the hackers out there working to install into my brain all the nasties computers get. Actually, it probably isn’t that different from what the advertising industry does already. Except at least they can’t actually connect to my brain and I’m the one in charge instead of a crazy user who randomly installs, uninstalls and scans without being sure of what they are doing.

Anyway, while on the support forums, I found this quote:

“The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.”

I’m not sure what to make of that thought. The message does sound familiar, but it definitely shouldn’t be. Any ideas?

Brilliant idea #408 975 271 – Adventure racing

2009-03-30T11:52:00.000+10:00

There have been many changes over the last few months, some of which I have written about, some not. Many have crept up on me stealthily and I have wondered where they came from, like the exercise lover in me! The experience has been very positive, except for one thing, which I just can’t shake. I still dislike certain parts of my body a lot. As a whole, I feel strong and healthy, but the bits that store my fat, just aren’t as popular as they ought to be. This was especially clear the week before we went to the beach, when the bikini ready body just hadn’t transpired. I began thinking that perhaps instead of focusing on weight loss, I would be better off setting a challenge for myself. Something that would be good for the mind, strengthen the body and be beneficial for weight loss, but not be the aim.

Everyone, please say hello the fun run idea. I searched over the weekend with the aim of finding a 5km or perhaps a 10km fun run. I certainly wasn’t disappointed with various opportunities almost every month. Of particular interest was the Queensland Half Marathon, which has a variety of lengths. I figured the half marathon would be stretching my current good humour towards jogging, but perhaps the 10km would be an option. Enthusiastically, I downloaded a training schedule to RUN 10km. Yes, this was my first step towards madness. By the end of half an hour, I had fun runs lined up (theoretically) for June, July and August, with plans of starting off at 5k and moving up to 10k by the last one. Until I stumbled on this little gem – the Anaconda Adventure Race at the Gold Coast.

My first introduction to adventure racing was during a marathon of tv watching while making a model for uni for 2 days straight. The Discovery Channel had a program about a team in an adventure race in New Zealand, that lasted for 48 hours. The mountains cradling clear blue lakes captivated me and the single track mountain bike trail over the grassy ridge lines made me dream of adventure. The competitors were pushing themselves to the limits, both mentally and physically racing through night and day. I felt a sense of understanding towards the team although my marathon of model making was perhaps a little less physically demanding, although my back would disagree. Still, they were in one of most beautiful places on earth and I was in the lounge room about to face a critique so at that moment I would have happily traded places with anyone of them.

Since then adventure racing seems to have become more popular with regular local events. Without the clouded judgement of sleep deprivation I’ve always brushed all knowledge of this sport aside with a ‘you would have to be totally crazy to enter something like that’ thoughts. Except I let my guard down and somehow adventure racing has snuck up, blindfolded me and whispers in my ear that I would love it if I gave it a go.

I brought the idea up with my husband, because naturally if I enter he would be involved also. The conversation went something like this:

Me: So, I was on google looking for a challenge like what we talked about and guess what I found?
Husband: *Hesitantly * What? (Thinking, I know this tone of voice. Begins mentally locating exits)
Me: Well, down at the Gold Coast, they are having an adventure race and I had the brilliant idea that maybe we could enter.
Husband: *Unconvincingly * Yeah……(Thinking: Oh great brilliant idea #408 975 271. Maybe if I don’t say anything she won’t notice and I can change the subject)
Me: You don’t seem too convinced!?! Is there something you are worried about?
Husband: Ahh….no….it’s just that……(Thinking: damn, I’m trapped what do I do now!?!?!)
Me: Yes?? What are you worried about?
Husband: Well….it’s uh…just that whenever you get an idea like this you get really enthusiastic….but uh….it doesn’t happen.
Me: What?!?! Like when?!?
Husband: Like ah….hiking in Nepal….but you always say you hate bushwalking. Or cycling in New Zealand.
Me: *With great embarrassment* Oh yeah, New Zealand…..sorry about that….

Ah yes, cycling in New Zealand! Back when we were young – under 21 that is – we decided that our first holiday together would be skiing in New Zealand. Everything was planned, except that we wanted to travel around and see a little of the South Island for the week after skiing. But we were too young to hire a car, so I came up with brilliant idea #406 812 023, we could cycle! I bought the Lonely Planet guide to Cycling New Zealand and enthusiastically started planning our trip. Husband, who was then boyfriend, liked the idea being an avid cyclist and happily embraced it against his better judgement. Against mine, I chose the Western Otago circuit, a 200km loop starting from Queenstown done over 3 days. The ‘highlight’ of the first day is a ‘challenging’ climb of 1100m vertically over the Crown Range Road that is the highest highway in the country (and New Zealand is far from flat). That trip was utter torture and I am amazed that boyfriend actually still chose to become husband, albeit a few years later.

I wasn’t able to cycle up the Crown Range. Prior trip preparation had included no training for the ride and I had to push my loaded bike uphill for about 10km of the 70 we did that day. But that side of the mountain wasn’t the problem. In fact reaching the top was one of the most exciting things I have ever done and I will never forget flying downhill for the next 15km. It was the other side that was the problem. What looked like a flat road in the guidebook, turned out to be undulating. I was at the end of my strength and I could barely manage to keep peddling my heavy bike over each of the hills. Additionally it had taken so long to get up over the Crown Range, that we were running out of daylight and couldn’t stop to eat. That afternoon, I behaved so viciously and angrily that I have blocked it out of my memory. All that remains, is the realisation that I married the most patient man on the planet.

So, I was not surprised that my brilliant idea was not embraced with wholehearted enthusiasm. Although a very cautious person generally, I apparently have this tendency towards cooking up brilliant ideas that may or may not be well outside of my limits and then jumping into them without any judgement. But I couldn’t get it out of my mind. Every moment that I had this weekend I was scheming about how I would train, if I would try it as part of a team and who else would be interested. I dreamt about kayaking and I have woken in the morning with my mind whispering softly ‘adventure race’. I even took myself to the pool on Saturday to see if I could swim 1.2km in under an hour, the disqualification time. After a mind numbingly boring 36 minutes, I had done the requisite 50 laps, conclusive evidence pointing to the fact that the idea isn’t as stupid as it seems.

I have plenty of time to decide if I want to participate in any case, but my insanity begs the question; have you chosen any absurd physical challenges with a good outcome? Do you like just jumping in any seeing how far you can push yourself? Have you ever completed an adventure race or thought of doing one? Feel free to point out any obvious flaws in this plan also!

Turning back time

2009-03-27T09:39:00.000+10:00

If I could turn back time, I would know that losing weight isn’t so much about cutting energy and expending more, but about confronting the issues that keep me living in the body that I have.

If I could turn back time, I wouldn’t have bought fitness magazines or read MSN so often looking for diet tips. I would have known that health isn’t about following someone’s program but listening to myself – my likes and dislikes, what my body is telling me.

If I could turn back time, I would have the self respect for myself to accept my shortcomings. I would have confronted them with love and understanding and worked towards moving forwards rather than hating myself more.

If I could turn back time, I would have started exercising a long time ago, so that I could participate with a smile on my face in all the activities that I have had the opportunity to do over the years.

If I could turn back time, I wouldn’t give up so easily. I would push past the fear and doubt, the lack of obvious results and the uncomfortableness associated with starting something new.

If I could turn back time, I would have an appreciation for the body I have.

If I could turn back time, I would have tried to live the wisdom that I already had inside of me, but refused to listen to by seeking answers from others.

If I could turn back time, I wouldn’t. I am who I am because of this journey and I’m having the time of my life.

Finding the right role model

2009-03-26T10:16:00.000+10:00

I think I have come to terms with the fact that my thighs just aren’t going to look like those of the fitness magazine models. Now the fact that I actually compare my thighs to those of fitness models as opposed to catwalk models is a step in the right direction. It’s taken years for me to accept that very thin just isn’t going to happen and I began dreaming more of strong, hence the fitness models. Except I have hips and the aforementioned thighs which don’t grace the pages of the glossy magazines very often. A heavily pregnant friend said on the weekend that at this point she has come to accept her hips after hearing about the complications that her more petite friends suffered during natural childbirth. I can definitely see that at 8.5 months pregnant I would also accept my hips as a blessing rather than a curse! But what about now?

On Tuesday for the second consecutive week (pat on the back given) I went to the body balance class at the local gym. The usual trainer appeared but instead of yoga pants she wore a tiny tennis skirt with shorts underneath. At that point I thought of what the guys who think that body balance is ‘for girls’ were missing out on. Now this woman has muscles everywhere and these were emphasised like never before. Having realigned my thinking over the years to ‘strong is good’ I was impressed but figured that being a personal trainer she had probably always been into exercise hence the muscles.

After the class I went up and asked a question about technique and we eventually got chatting. It turned out that this trainer had joined the gym a few years prior overweight and desperate to get fit. At some point she got hooked and began working at the gym. Seeing her enthusiasm the staff suggested that she become a personal trainer. Fast forward a few years and we see a woman with unlimited enthusiasm for health and fitness. In my own experience of the last few months I can definitely see the spell that exercise and health can weave over your body. So I found her story inspiring on account of her transformation, which provides hope that a person can walk away from what they once were. But this is supposed to be about role models right? So despite the loftier ideas that can be taken away, I’m going to point out the more shallow ones – muscles.

A male colleague of mine was absolutely obsessed with muscle. He only had one problem, the fact that no matter how much he lifted he struggled to create the bulk that he dreamed of. His reasoning was that because his metabolism was so fast, he couldn’t store fat that is required for muscle bulk. By this reasoning, I am much more likely to end up with a pronounced muscular body which is the way it’s going. I have no trouble building muscle, hence the size of my thighs.

So how does this relate to the trainer? In what is an unfortunate reality, the trainer doesn’t have the physic that is so typical of fitness magazines, even though her strength is what I admired so much. For me, this highlighted the importance of finding the right role model that reflects what I can realistically achieve in a healthy way. As far as I can see this is the only way I can be happy with my body at the end of my own transformation. Finding the right physic to emulate can be very difficult because the ideal is so generic and my body, no matter how well trained will most likely lie outside of that ideal. I like that I now have a clearer picture in my mind that a strong muscular body can be beautiful while being outside of the ideal. I will probably always have bigger thighs than my husband but after that body balance class, I’m beginning to think that maybe that’s ok.

How about you, do you have great role models? Where did you find them? Or do you know anything further about the fat/muscle thing? I would love to know more.

Portion control

2009-03-25T11:06:00.000+10:00

Actually, this post has nothing to do with control, because in my experience that just doesn’t work, at least not for me. I am absolutely hopeless with portion control. In fact although I eat almost no processed food, cook most things from scratch (even some types of cheese! Sorry, I’m just proud of that) and eat lots of veggies, I have never been able to control how much I eat. Eating is one of my greatest pleasures, which is why I have never risked my love for food by counting calories or analysing macro nutrient quantities (unless it was meat, because that was out for about 3 years). In fact, because of this love of food, I have felt entitled to eat as much as I pleased, even though my weight was constantly on the increase. The problem was that even if I tried to ‘trick’ myself by eating on smaller plates, I would feel deprived, especially as I watched my husband scoff down seconds and sometimes thirds (claiming he was still ‘hungry’ and sucking up by telling me how good my cooking was!)

I began practising the whole concept of intuitive eating whilst travelling through France using some of the ideas from "French Women Don’t Get Fat" after my grandfather told me that I had a weight problem and would probably struggle with it for the rest of my life. Funnily enough, despite eating baguette with butter for breakfast each morning and a selection of cheese and half a bottle of wine each night (as well as dinner) I actually lost weight. I wanted to continue when I got home, but my usual eating patterns returned as soon as the plane touched down. That’s when at the start of this year, I took the bull by the horns and decided to change my regular habits for good, without needing to rely on willpower for the rest of my life. These were the steps I took to learn to eat the ‘right’ amount.

Stage 1 – Put enough food on my plate that I acknowledge that it is too much for one sitting. Focus entirely on eating and how that feels as food enters the body and how hunger slowly diminishes. Stop when I feel satisfied and push the plate away. The rest can be eaten later if hungry or the following day for lunch or another meal. The key at this stage is to the sensations associated with not being stuffed immediately after a meal and throughout the evening or day. I found that I felt lighter, less tiered and satisfied with myself for not overeating.

Stage 2 – After a few weeks, I began to recognise what a ‘portion’ size suitable for me was so I decreased the amount on my plate to be what I thought appropriate. I still continued to be conscious, but it was less of an effort than in the first stage. At this point, I was still regularly over eating, but less than what I would have defined as stuffed in the past.

Stage 3 – I realised with shock, horror and delight that I could choose to eat less because it felt better, even when the food was on the table in front of me and my fellow eating companions were going back for seconds (and usually commenting that I didn’t eat much any more although I would be hungry again quicker than everyone else). At this point, overeating is fairly rare and when it does happen it’s not in excess.

Why do I think this has worked for me? Positive reinforcement. Every time I didn’t overeat I would think to myself how nice it felt to eat just the right amount rather than commenting that I couldn’t move, or feeling sleepy because my body was so busy digesting it was shutting down none essential functions – like my brain! Slowly but surely, I began being able to make the choice to eat less, because there was something that could weigh up against seconds – feeling good. What made it work was that it wasn’t external thoughts like ‘I shouldn’t eat any more because I’ll get fat’ or ‘Everyone is looking at you fatty, do you really need another piece?’ or ‘you’re going to eat HOW much…you’re trying to lose weight…no wonder you ALWAYS fail….you MORON’. These days, the internal dialogue goes more like:

Stomach: I think I’m full.
Brain: What already?!? You’ve only eaten half of what’s on your plate, are you sure you’re full, I think that the tastebuds are really having fun tonight.
Stomach: I know, but I’m definitely full. If I change my mind you can have more later.
Brain: I just have one thing to say to you stomach – you’re eating like a girl!
Stomach: Ahh brain, you and I are a girl! And you will be the first to complain that you feel so sleepy if you keep shoving food in me.
Brain: I know, I know you have reminded me 3 times a day for the last two months!
Stomach: And do you FEEL better when you aren’t drowsy because you didn’t eat too much and you can go and do fun things because of it? Besides in a few hours you will be complaining that I’m ALWAYS hungry!
Brain: Hey who do you think you are stomach!?! The brain or something!?! I know what’s good for me and I say you are full. Dinner’s over, but I’ll be back!

And my friends wonder why I occasionally space out during dinner! In case you are wondering, the only part of my body other than my brain that talks is my stomach! So that is how I have succeeded in reducing my portion sizes. For me, this is has been the only long term option that I can take anywhere because it is determined solely by the capacity of the stomach and doesn’t involve any tricks or willpower to make me eat less, just a warm satisfied feeling when I know I will feel good!

So I wonder, what are your strategies for reducing how much you eat? What about if you have never had to think about it because you just ‘know’ you’ve had enough and can stop? Any other suggestions for how this could work when there are chocolate coated macadamia nuts in front of me (intuitive eating doesn’t work then)? Do any of your body parts talk to you?

Beaches, nudists and energy

2009-03-24T11:23:00.000+10:00

What do all of the above have in common? They all featured as part of my looong weekend. We had a great time at the beach chilling out by the pool or walking on the beach. It was lovely to get away from the renovation for a weekend, even though we spent about half the time discussing ideas for our own spa and surrounds!

Around the same time last year, my parents went up to the unit for a week and we joined them for one weekend. Being close to Noosa, we always go there for half a day, to walk around the boutiques, eat gelati and enjoy the relatively calm beach. What makes Noosa beautiful is that it is set in a sheltered bay overlooked by a tree covered peninsula that rises to Noosa Hill. The area forms a part of Noosa National Park with unspoilt sandy bays that are a hit with surfers and accessed by a scenic track that winds its way around the headland to the best beach in the area, Alexandria Bay.

Last year after a tasty gelati and some window shopping my sister proposed walking around to Alexandria Bay, a walk that is neither long nor difficult. For some reason I got angry. The last thing I wanted to do was expend energy on a walk, so I got left behind reading a magazine while the rest of my family and husband walked. A year on I can’t explain why I got angry at the idea of walking, but I know that for a very long time I have felt sluggish and lethargic. It’s not that I wasn’t fit enough to walk but I just lacked the energy.

I always thought that I would be fit and healthy if I lived at the beach because there are so many fun ways to exercise by the sea. In retrospect, I could never muster the energy in the past to do much of anything while on holidays at the beach, so I was wondering wether my place of residence was just an excuse for my lack of exercise. Yesterday, I was bursting at the seams and in a good way! My energy never ran out and I was ready for more all day long. Which was a good thing, because talk about cross training! Cycling, walking in the National Park, laps in the pool, (attempting to) boogie board in the ocean, romantic walk after dinner along the beach, we just kept going all day and I have never felt so alive.

I know I’m turning into a walking advertisement for exercise and mostly my husband just looks at me and goes ‘duh you didn’t know that!?!’ But I have to confess that I didn’t. I know that regular exercise increases your energy levels. I know that regular exercise makes you feel better about your body. I know that regular exercise makes your body strong and fit. But apparently I don’t learn from knowledge but from experience. Now that I have felt the way I did yesterday there is no turning back.

So where do nudists fit into all of this. Well, the very first time we went to Noosa, my mom and sister were very attracted to the idea of walking through the National Park to the secluded Alexandria Bay. I, grumpy as always about bush walking got dragged along being at the tender age of around 9. We walked the inland route meeting the odd occasional thong clad (the footwear), friendly faced individual who’d give us a passing ‘G’day’ and a smile. If my memory serves me well, the walk seemed to go on forever until we saw the glimmer of light reflecting off the ocean and the sound of waves crashing against the surrounding rocky headland. The path began to steeply descend to the beach and as we emerged we saw a beautiful secluded bay where everyone in sight was nude! Yes, we had found the unofficial nudist beach in the area. The track had come out in approximately the middle of the beach. On the left there was just the odd person walking down the beach, it was to the right where the majority of the group congregated. To my mom’s dismay the track continued to the right, so with eyes fixed on the ground she marched us through the nudists who were leisurely enjoying the sand and sea. I can remember how much her friends laughed when she told them the story. Most locals know about the unofficial status of that beach, but we had only recently moved to Australia, so we found out the uhh, hard way. And I think she is still embarrassed to this day about taking her two young daughters to a nudist beach!

Surprising myself

2009-03-19T11:27:00.000+10:00

Thank you for all the fabulous suggestions from the last post. Here is how they have played out.

Things that make you go Huh?
It’s normally your partner or a close friend that surprises you. Sometimes they say things or do things that you just wouldn’t expect and you think to yourself ‘wow! I thought I knew them’. Rarely do you expect that from yourself, but it turns out that this week has been full of it!

On Monday, I figured I’d give the jogging thing another chance. So I started and at first it was hard but then I just kept going. For 15 minutes until the destination I had set myself. For someone who hates jogging and doesn’t consider herself very fit, I was shocked. When I got home, I felt this incredible sense of empowerment and calm. It was so bizarre.
On Tuesday, I went to a Body Balance class at the local gym. Walking away after the class I was disappointed that it wasn’t a whole body workout because everywhere north of my belly button didn’t get worked. So before dinner I grabbed some weights and finished off what the class had started.
And this morning, I awoke at 5:30am (an hour earlier than usual) bouncing off the walls so excited about going interval training. When I came home, bathed in sweat I proceeded to grab some dumbbells, my yoga mat and started strength training. I thought ‘who is this person?’

On interval training
I was usually totally put off by the idea because the instructions were always so convoluted. They either changed from day to day or week to week and I have no idea how you are supposed to walk effectively with the instructions in one hand, stop watch in the other, whilst monitoring you heart rate. So I never bothered. I was intrigued when I read about using the outdoors to create an interval course and I figured that would suit me perfectly. So I embraced stairs, park benches, the timber rails along the sides of bike paths, dirt patches, surface changes, hills and any other thing that got my attention. And I had a wonderful time! It got me out of my head (apart from the occasional ‘who is this person’ thoughts) and focused on how I could push my body. I made up little ‘rules’ like every time I saw a dirt patch on the oval I would skip really fast or when I left the bike path I had to jog or I would jump over all the timber rails in one section or run along them in another. Each time I caught my breath after these bursts I would find a new activity to amuse myself and get my heart rate up. I presume that that is the idea of the usual instructions, but this was so much more natural and in tune with my environment which dovetails neatly with my cardinal rule of listening to my body and responding.

The other thing that worried me was not working hard enough both during cardio and weights. I am usually the first to go ‘too hard, I’m outta here’ but the class on Tuesday showed me how great it felt to push your limits. So what I found worked for me was:

set goals based on landmarks like ‘I’ll jog the length of these rails’ or skip fast until I get tangled up 5 times.
when doing yoga standing poses (or something where there isn’t a particular number of repetitions) play music that has regular changes in it like long rifts of music with no lyrics so the goal might be to hold the pose until the singing starts again.

I had so much fun pushing myself that I can’t wait to do it again. And when I reflect on my sore muscles I keep asking myself ‘who is this person’?

Conclusion
All of this has made me wonder about the person I actually am. If this peculiar being inside of me who is loving pushing herself physically really is me, then where has she been hiding for the last 15 years? Can we really hold ourselves back this much based on our beliefs of ourselves? Before I started walking regularly, I was sure of two things about myself; I don’t like pushing my body hard physically; I need to exercise because it’s healthy and has weight loss benefits but I may never love it. Two ideas that I have held for a long time, shattered in just one week.

I am really interested to see how my love of exercise develops especially over the coming days. We are spending a long weekend at the beach and I’ve always said I would be fit and healthy if I lived by the sea. But when on holidays I usually have to drag a very grumble bum out the door to do anything physical except for soaking in the ocean or pool. Is this the end of lazy me? We shall see. In the meantime on a very philosophical note, I’m curious to know are humans really the empty vessels that can be anything we want to be? Are our dreams are reflection on what is within us even if it seems distant from reality?

Is it a cop-out to not jog?

2009-03-17T11:19:00.000+10:00

I bumped into my neighbour the other day at the shops and she asked if it was me she had seen out walking. She mentioned how she has just started her own walking routine and that although her body feels awful afterwards she can feel improvements. My neighbour is about 10 years older than me, but fit and trim looking and I always thought she was a gym junkie, so I was floored when she said that walking is tough. From the first day I have walked, I haven’t felt any real difference in my fitness despite subtle changes in energy levels, alertness and a vague general feeling of ‘well being’.

With all the recent talk of plateau’s I think my body has jumped on that bandwagon and I’m there staring at the very flat, seemingly endless plain with a dead straight road and barren fields that look so drought stricken they could suck the blood out of your veins if you got too close. Actually I lie, this plateau is a tropical rainforest and there are lots of beautifully coloured birds and butterflies and I am really quite content here. That’s probably the problem with this plateau because it’s not the dread barren place as in the first description but the second one and so my motivation to leave is low. Except of course I still have that image of those pants and the fact that I don’t fit them.

So this all got me to wondering about fitness and how much is enough. After a month of daily walks, I think it is time to increase the activity level a bit but I hate jogging which is the logical step up from walking. My whole premise to get myself to start exercising regularly what to do something I enjoy. This I have done with great success. But is it a copout to whine about not wanting to work harder? Do I just bite the bullet and workout wether I enjoy it or not because it’s good for my body and will help with weight loss? And how much is enough? Should we always push our bodies to work harder and get fitter? Is it enough if you have the fitness and strength to get through the day and the activities you enjoy doing?

Yes, I have doubts. I am beginning to clarify my thoughts on this which I will write more about (once they start sticking together a bit better rather than just floating around in my brain) but in the meantime I am curious to hear what your thoughts are and how you act on these.

No sugar challenge and the aftermath

2009-03-16T14:07:00.000+10:00

So here was the plan. Sagan at Living Healthy in the Real World took on the challenge of a week with no added sugar. When I read her first post about her intentions I thought ‘wow that’s so cool, I always wanted to try that’ and what better incentive than when someone else has set the guidelines! I figured I could manage a week, from Sunday to Sunday without too much trouble. And true in spirit to limiting anything in life, on Saturday I indulged guilt free in a delicious dessert figuring that I will more than compensate with a whole week of no sugar.

Sunday morning clicked around and what was my first thought when I woke (apart from ‘I wonder what’s for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks today, tomorrow and the rest of the week’)? ‘Hmmm no sugar for a week…that’s gonna be tough….that means like, no chocolate powder on my cappuccino at breakfast….or cranberry juice…or piece of chocolate at random intervals throughout the day!!! But I NEED sugar…..my cravings…..think of my cravings…..I’m going to turn into a deprived lonely….probably today….or definitely tomorrow…’ So within about 30 seconds of waking I decided to ditch the sugar challenge! The same thing happened on Monday morning and then Tuesday came around.

By Tuesday I was equally freaked out by the idea of limiting my sugar intake, but at breakfast I figured I would survive without the aforementioned chocolate on my cappuccino. So, one meal down 20 to go. With lunch fast approaching, I again convinced myself that I could go without any sugar for this meal and again succeeded. Finally, after dinner I declined dessert, instead opting for a rooibos tea, which is quite a sweet tasting tea so it was moderately satisfying. In any case, I was proud that I had made it through a whole day with no sugar!

After the usual panic on Wednesday morning, I attempted the same approach, dealing with the sugar issue at each meal and not focusing on a whole week or even a whole day without sugar. Little baby steps took me through that day, Thursday and Friday. The challenge was going well, albeit a little delayed, until Saturday unleashed the three year old in me.

Weekends always take my best laid plans down and this one was no exception. It was a friend’s three year old’s birthday party. I was most impressed that all the party food was really healthy (think little dark bread sandwiches with veggie toppings) and I thought that with a bit of determination I could even turn down the cake. Until it came out that is. It was a volcano shaped cake with ‘lava’ pouring down the side and little chocolate coated ‘rocks’ at the base. I should’ve planned ahead better I know, because the cakes at this kids parties are always so awesome that the three year old in me shrieks with delight (on the inside of course!) and crowds in with all the kids watching hawkeyed to make sure I get my fair share. Well, chocolate cake with chocolate covered rocks was no exception. And that was how my sugar challenge ended after only 4 days! Just to remind me of my broken promise to myself, I had a bad headache for the rest of the day and some of the following and I was utterly exhausted. Hello sugar hangover….again!

Nonetheless, I have been very pleased at the good humour I have displayed toward myself when in breach of the goals I have set for myself and this weekend was no exception. I think this stems from the fact that I aim to learn something each time I fall down. This has been really helpful whenever a similar situation has come up because I have acquired some piece of wisdom previously and therefore been able to better deal with the situation. So what did I learn through this sugar challenge:

Break down each new habit I want to form so that progress can occur in little steps rather than focusing on the enormity of the change required
Find a healthy replacement for your cravings if possible
Learn something each time you fall down
Volcano shaped chocolate cake is beyond my powers of self control

This week I am planning to take this step by step approach in limiting the amount of wine I drink. I spoke with my mom about the study indicating that women increase their chance of cancer by drinking alcohol. Despite the study she has come to the conclusion that perhaps she should drink less and as she said this a tiny voice inside my head screamed ‘no this can’t be happening….if my mom believes that she should drink less, that means I should too….and I know I should study or no study. At this point I do feel the need to clarify that I only have ½ to 1 glass of wine per night. The problem is that wine drinking is a very powerful habit that means I drink every night despite the fact that alcohol free days are advised. In her very healthy approach my mom decided that she simply needed to replace wine with another drink and changing her habit wouldn’t be a problem. I’ve thought the same, however I hadn’t found a healthy alternative. In her all knowledgeable healthy ways, she suggested mineral water which she has already used to decrease her wine intake. Some people make it look so easy! So cheers to a week with no wine.

Hooray for Friday

2009-03-14T07:46:00.000+10:00

In my household that can only mean one thing – it’s washing day. At least it will be washing evening. We don’t have a washing machine at our house at the moment since we are in the middle of renovating, so we pop over to my Mom’s house each Friday evening to do a load while they are out to dinner. Sad? Yes I know.

The other appliance that my Mother has that I don’t is an electronic scale. So recently, Fridays have also become ‘casually step on the scale’ days. This may or may not be the perfect way to start a weekend, but it has certainly provided lots of laughs while I have experimented with rapid weight loss. I’ve learnt some truths through these experiences that I am compelled to share, not because they are funny but because I’ve come to realise how inaccurate the scale actually is. Like they say, the best judges of weight loss are your clothes.

So to get to the point, shortly after putting the washing on the first week, I jumped on the scale, you know, just to see if I was making any progress with my conscious eating. I was shocked, that little number that hadn’t changed (much) in previous months had dropped by over 1.5kg! I was so pleased that by the time the washing was done, I had to check just to make sure I had read the scale right. To my stunned surprise, in the space of time it takes to do I load of washing I had dropped another 0.5kg.

The following week, I proceeded with the same exercise, except in the space of the hour I actually gained 0.5kg. Now that created a conundrum since I couldn’t work out which to use as my ‘official’ weight.

Third week in and I repeated the exercise with the best results to date, I could drop a whole kilogram in one hour! I did mention I was trying to lose weight slowly right? The trick to my magic weight changes?
1. Go for a walk and sweat a lot – 0.5kg
2. Drink over half a bottle of mineral water in 1 hour +0.5kg
3. Bowel movements – 0.5kg
4. Removal of clothing – 0.5kg

Ok, the clothing is obvious but it is summer here so I wasn’t exactly cuddled up in a winter jacket and woolly socks. But combine all the other factors together and how can you actually gauge if you have dropped a kilo in a week or not? More importantly, it raises the biggest question of what then becomes your official weight? Is it fair to weigh yourself after a bowel movement or is that cheating? Is dehydration prior to stepping on the scale a good idea?
Yes, I’ve pondered these questions and I really can’t help but laugh at myself. It is just a touch obsessive is it not? In any case, I haven’t come up with any answers to these but I do know, that no matter what, the scale is lying! Have a great weekend :-)

What did you learn from your mother?

2009-03-13T12:48:00.000+10:00

It’s said that your mother can influence the way you feel about your body. If she openly criticised hers then her daughters are more likely to feel bad about theirs. But what about food? Does the way your mother eats impact you also? From my experience I would have to say yes. I know I didn’t get my body image issues from my Mom, but I do know that her eating habits have rubbed off on me. Well, at least in my dreams they have. See, I truly believe that losing and maintaining weight isn’t about counting calories, points or even attempting to balance carbs and proteins. I believe in earnest that a healthy diet (and by that I don’t mean dieting) can incorporate all food without needing to label it as bad or naughty. So where did I get my attitude towards food from? My Mother.

She is a woman who I have never seen refuse any food because it might be ‘fattening’. She has never dieted before or controlled what she eats. She regularly enjoys a little sweet treat, a glass of wine or some creamy cheese. What she does do is stop eating when she is satisfied and only eats when hungry. She will regularly save a bit for later and guard it closely if by chance its cake. Getting outside and being active is something she does for the love of it rather than to work out. I am totally in awe of my Mother as she is a perfect role model for how I want to live. It helps sharing the same genes, body shape and knowing how she does it!
For better or for worse, looking to our mother’s may just be the place to find out a bit about ourselves wether it’s attitudes to our bodies or food or what may be ahead of us as we age. What have you learnt from your Mom?

Veggies can never be boring

2009-03-12T13:35:00.000+10:00

I love having a big snack around mid morning. Allegedly I shouldn’t be hungry 3 hours after a satisfying breakfast, but alas my belly screams each morning. So my snack of choice – a huge plate of veggies and a little fruit so I can make it until lunch time (almost). Last week I made some Baba Ghannouj from home grown eggplant to dip my celery sticks but now I’m out of tahini J Don’t you hate that when you plan what you will eat, get excited and then realise you don’t have the ingredients!?! Well in the name of improvisation, here is what I made instead, so my veggies need never be boring or feel lonely.

Yoghurt and harissa dip! Simply mix some yoghurt with a dap of harissa (depending on your hotness threshold) and presto a dip so tasty and spicy you’ll want to eat the whole bunch of celery. And just in case you want to make your own harissa (because the additives they put in pre-made stuff is mind-boggling. I mean really, put chillies in a jar and the stuff is indestructible. It took me a day to get the burn from my fingers!) oh yes, here’s the recipe I used. It’s typically served as an accompaniment to Moroccan food, but tastes lovely with soups as well. Store covered in the fridge for up to two weeks.

What's your favourite veggie snacks?

Harissa
250g fresh birds-eye chillies
1 tablespoon caraway seeds
1 tablespoon coriander seeds
2 teaspoons cumin seeds
4-6 cloves garlic, peeled
1 tablespoon dried mint
1 teaspoon salt
125ml extra virgin olive oil

1. Wearing rubber gloves (ignore this at your peril and if you do go here) remove stems of chillies, split in half, remove seeds and soften in hot water for 5 minutes.

2. While chillies are soaking, dry-fry caraway coriander and cumin in a pan until seeds become aromatic, about 1-2 minutes. Drain chillies and place in a food processor. Add seeds, garlic, mint and salt to food processor and slowly adding olive oil process until a smooth thick paste forms.

Cooking on a La Cotta

2009-03-11T13:11:00.000+10:00

I don’t think I would normally be inclined to tell you what I had for dinner (I prefer not to make people jealous ;-) But this dinner was both special and peculiar. A few months ago, in an antique shop in a little Queensland country town, we bought an odd looking Italian cooking implement. At least that’s what the instructions said it’s intended purpose was! Basically, it’s two oval shaped, shallow clay pans wired together and is operated with plastic handles. I’m not sure what actually possessed us to buy it but we brought it home, admired it some more and stuck it in a drawer where it has remained until last night.

La Cotta (or La Bisquera) is a cooking implement from Italy made from volcanic rocks that promises to remove fats and harsh acids. It claims to transform economic cuts of meat to create a tenderness and flavour that would only be achieved through slow cooking. This is good news since slow cooked meat is supposed to be a healthier alternative to barbequed. Additionally the instructions sold it as ‘one of the world’s best cooking utensils’ that our cooking would ‘rival anything prepared in the haute cuisine kitchens of the world’ and we would be cooking on a ‘natural material’ that is ‘compounded from a secret formula of five volcanic rocks’. Sounds interesting doesn’t it?

So we followed the instructions, rinsing the pan then placing it on a low gas flame and adding the steak that had been seasoned with a herb rub. After the blood had risen to the surface on one side, I flipped it until the same appeared on the other side and voila the meat was cooked.

Given the odd smell that was coming out of the contraption during cooking I was very dubious. Actually I expected the steak to be dry so I made a mushroom sauce to go with it. To my surprise, the steak was juicy even though it had been dry cooked and it was very tender. I’m not sure wether to attribute that to La Bisquera, a good cut of meat or just my cooking prowess, but I suspect that this secret volcanic rock is doing something, because I really haven’t come across a thick piece of beef that was cooked just right in about 10 minutes. But one test is never enough, so over the coming weeks we shall have to repeat this experiment with various cuts.
Now if you are interested in obtaining your very own La Bisquera, there seems to be heaps available online. Apparently there are many in closets around the world, owned by people scratching their heads and going ‘what do I do with this?’ If that’s you, I have attached the instructions that came with ours so that you can give it a go yourself. Or perhaps you already knew how great this hunk of rock was and you wouldn’t mind sharing your experiences and allowing us a glimpse into your world of haute cuisine!

The story so far

2009-03-10T09:01:00.000+10:00

Exercise
My main goal with exercise was to make it a regular occurrence, a healthy daily habit. I figured the only way to do this was to choose something I like doing. I did wonder how long it would take for exercise to become a habit since the opinions out there vary from 21 days to 6+ months. It’s now been 3 weeks and I have gone for a walk, cycle or played tennis almost every day. Each week I skipped one day, wether I was too sore, too busy or too upset. Either way, although I am enjoying it and seeing the benefits I don’t think it is a habit yet. Even though its mostly a matter of putting on a pair of running shoes and walking out the door, it’s far from automatic and many days I have to convince myself that now is the right time. On the other hand, if I don’t walk in the morning I think about it all day and try to plan it into the evening activities, so I would have to say my body likes it.

Food
Normally the moment I told my body it would have to lose some weight, it would rebel. “I’m hungry,” my stomach would moan and unquenchable hunger pains would start. “Enough is enough body, you can’t keep eating like this,” I would say. And in response it would demand sugar, the irrational part of the brain complicity reminding my body of the cake in the fridge whilst my rational thoughts tried to persuade me to ignore it.

This time I told my body it could have anything it craved even reminding it of the sweets. At first it thought that this sounded great and my stomach began to moan, but soon when it realised it could have anything it wanted, it became disinterested. It choose a healthy snack instead of cake, which wouldn’t have made it feel good.

The last few weeks, the more I have listened the more, my body has spoken to me. My mind has complicity tempted me with various treats but the body has casually responded that it wasn’t interested and that perhaps I should find something to do if I was feeling bored. My intense carvings have disappeared as well as the pre-mealtime madness. This isn’t to say the temptation hasn’t been there. But it was my body that said it had had enough, rather than my self discipline berating me that I would be fat forever if I ate another bite.

Although I committed to keep a food diary, I haven’t even written a single word. Interestingly, I haven’t had too much trouble most of the time in listening to my body. At times I have even become totally obsessive watching friends and family eating unhealthy food or worse still drinking soft drink and thinking how could they put that stuff in their bodies. At the same time I’ve come unhitched too, but by accepting it I was able to stop and move on instead of continuing the habit. The downside of not keeping a diary is that I have no idea how to tweak my eating as I slowly lose weight. So, for the next 3 week period, keeping a food diary is the goal.

Body Image
After making my initial commitment to improve my health in 2009, I started off by analysing all the reasons why I was physically where I was, before delving into setting the boundaries of my healthy living approach. But in retrospect, I think I probably took the wrong approach. I thought that I could work on my body image as I went along, but it should probably be the very first thing that I thought about. After all body image influences our goals probably more than anything else. Just watch an episode of “How to look good naked” and you realise women don’t have an accurate image of the way they look. For me, body image has usually been my derailing factor also.

Thankfully because I bumbled along in starting this blog and making a firm commitment I spent countless hours analysing how I actually felt and if anything I wrote could actually be of use to anyone in the bloggoshpere (or random, hapless person who stumbled onto my blog). I was very scared that my contribution would be worthless seeing as I was staunchly against the idea of loving my body as it was now. The good thing was that this challenged me to really think about how I could feel better about myself in order to be able to document it, which I sub consciously started doing well before writing about it.

In part this was actually frustrating because by the time I came to really starting to exercise regularly and eat consciously I already ‘felt’ smaller even though volumetrically my body remained the same. I heard a brilliant quote on this ‘reduce the amount of space they take up in your mind’, with ‘they’ referring to breasts. Ah, it was relevant to the tv show about women unhappy about the size of their breasts because they were too large. But it’s equally applicable to our bodies, as I was experiencing. So for me, improving my body image has been very positive – I feel smaller, I am more conscious of looking after my body for it’s sake and I’m obsessing over the way it looks less.

Conclusion
So far, my ‘plan’ and attitude shifts have been very successful. I am particularly delighted that I am seeing volumetric changes in my body (which at this stage is a big motivator) without much effort. I won’t kid anyone and say it’s been fast by any stretch of the imagination, but I’ve actually enjoyed myself and feel a lot better about my body. And apart from speed, isn’t weight loss mecca the place where losing weight isn’t hard?

It's ok to fail

2009-03-06T13:19:00.000+10:00

A perfect life is something that we strive towards, after all isn’t that what New Year’s resolutions are; changing something you don’t like about yourself. And if year after year we tell ourselves that we need to change then we carry over to our daily lives that feeling that we need to be perfect and aren’t. When we decide that this year will be the year we become healthy (guilty!) we strive towards control over ourselves. We set boundaries by defining what health or a weight loss program is for us, even if we don’t follow a traditional diet. And while we are in control, everything is ok, but when we lose that control, we feel like we failed, fell off the wagon, sabotaged ourselves. We have all experienced what happens next – throwing in the towel, saying that this diet isn’t for us, feeling like a failure and so eating even more and saying horrible things to ourselves.

Now if you are reading this, then you are probably a human being like me. You are probably living a life that isn’t perfect, because unfortunately life just doesn’t happen that way. No matter how annoying or painful that is, it’s a good thing, because the challenges in life are what make us grow and come to realise what is most important to us. It doesn’t really matter what the original reason was either, wether an event that was out of our control, throwing our emotional state out, time pressure which meant we weren’t able to follow through with our resolve or self sabotage. Any situation that throws us off course requires the same response, accepting ourselves.

Eventually our lives return to an equilibrium where we must face up to the choices we made in dealing with our crisis and the impact they had on our goals. In the thick of it, the easiest answer is to give up, but when we simply accept that we aren’t perfect, that things happen in our lives and sometimes our response is not ideal, then it’s easier to return to our good habits. This is part of the process of learning to love and respect yourself and providing room for failure to enable growth and learning. The worst thing we can do is punish ourselves for being human and for being imperfect. Here are a couple of strategies that might be helpful:

If you are breaking one of your boundaries, realise it, decide if you still want to keep going and if you do, accept that that is the choice you made. Making a conscious decision is very empowering because you give yourself permission to proceed rather than feeling out of control when you realise halfway through a 2L bucket of ice cream what you are doing. Which brings me to point two.
Avoid negative self talk and if you don’t know how the strategies invest some time into learning them. It will probably be the best investment for your mental health and self esteem you can make. Of course, apart from the theory you need to apply it – that’s the bit I always struggle with (read: don’t do) but just the knowledge has helped.
Keep asking yourself, gently, if you are still making the right choice based on how you are feeling.
Don’t vow to make up for the episode. Perhaps you’ve taken a step backwards if you are trying to lose weight, that’s a part of life and aiming to work harder to make up for it is more likely to be a discouragement to a return to a healthy lifestyle. The problem is that it’s like punishing yourself because you are a human being. If you manage to graciously accept your failings then you have learnt a whole lot more than what sticking to your course might have done.

At least this is what I have come to realise, over the last few very sad days. Between tears, I would gobble up bowls of ice cream, chocolate covered honeycomb and hot chocolates. While I knew that this wouldn’t make any difference to the hurt inside and I would probably even feel worse from a sugar overdose, I still did it. I accepted myself while making those choices and today when I feel better I’m still ok with my response (despite the added kilo’s that I have no desire to check on) and am returning to the healthy habits that I’m creating. It actually makes me happy to realise that this is in stark comparison to what would have happened in the past.

But I’m curious if there is anything I could have done differently or is occasional emotional eating just a part of life as much as emotional experiences are? It’s the classic female cliché, reaching for a block of chocolate and a chick flick to unburden our feelings, but is it really ok or is there a better option? Would we be better off to deal with our feeling the way men do? Have you found a good way to deal with emotions without reaching for the freezer door?

'Before' pictures that say a thousand words

2009-03-05T03:09:00.000+10:00

Repeatedly health experts have suggested taking ‘before’ photos at the start of a new exercise and diet regime. These photo’s serve as a testimony to progress, when after weeks or months the newly slimmed down exerciser can compare the body they previously had to the one they have today. When presented in a before and after format, someone elses success can be motivation in itself to begin our own transformation. Alternatively before photo’s can strengthen a commitment to a program by showing the magnitude of the problem from all angles. They no doubt be a powerful tool as part of a weight loss program, but they can also be part of the reason for failure.

Take a close look at some of the before photo’s. Look carefully and consider what you see. Do the people carry themselves well? What’s is the expression on their faces? Do their eyes sparkle? Take a look at your own before photos if you have ever taken them. How do you feel looking at yourself? Do those images represent people who are happy with their bodies regardless of the way they look?

The road to failure of a health regime is paved amongst other things with a lack of self-esteem. It’s without an appreciation for the marvel that the human body is that we can harm them so much by not exercising, eating junk food or berating them and then justify our behaviour. It’s not surprising because we are taught to believe that an ideal body can be achieved through willpower rather than through gentle care and nurturing tenderness. Eventually everyone falls off the wagon of a healthy lifestyle, but it’s much easier to get back on if the underlying reason is a respect for your body. But why would you want to nurture an ugly body? It’s like learning to love spiders, some people do, but most think they are best dead.

It is difficult to appreciate your body the way it is today regardless of shape or size. But learning to love your body makes sticking to a healthy lifestyle and losing weight easier because the motivation isn’t based on appearance alone. By appreciating the body you have, the effort you put in to caring for it is worth it regardless if it’s reflected in the way you look. And generally by eating well and exercising your body will reflect the level of care you give it.

So forget about the before photo or hide it somewhere well out of sight and photograph instead the parts of your body you do like. Stick these on the mirror so each time you walk past you are reminded of what you like about yourself. Eventually, your might finding that your love sneaks away from just the bits you like to all of you.

Have you learnt to love your body despite its imperfections? What helped you along the way? Or do you still struggle to accept yourself as you are?

Teaching children

2009-03-04T00:18:00.000+10:00

Many of my friends are pregnant or have newborns. Children scare me, because I don’t understand them as I have had little to do with them in my life. For me, each meeting is a moment of learning – how small they really are, what makes them cry, seeing them grow, begin to smile, feeling peaceful when they fall asleep in my arms. I look down on their tiny little bodies, perfect hands, scrunched up faces, curled up legs. All they seem to want is to be held, close to the heart, warm and secure. They feel pain and they don’t understand it. Their body isn’t quite under their control – those arm things flinging around grabbing some hair, a poke in the eye, but mostly just air. Then they become conscious of this strange body, they can roll, then crawl, walk, and soon run. Every time I see these tiny little people I wonder if one day they will look down and think ugh. Look at those hips or those thighs or that belly. Will these little bodies, that seemed so perfect to their parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts and all those who cared about them become an object of self loathing? Will these kids cry in the arms of those who love them, bewildered at how anyone could find their bodies anything but repulsive?

Part of the reason I decided that I desperately needed to improve my own body image and habits were for my children. Since all my friends began conceiving my husband and I have talked a lot about our own future babies, he dreams of them and I don’t. Looking at my friend’s children I became fearful of the thoughts about body image that I may pass onto my own kids in the future. I worried about teaching them how to have an unhealthy relationship with food, exercise and how to go through life always unhappy with your weight. I shudder to think bringing a baby into this world and teaching them to create the same suffering for themselves as I have made for me.

I realised that although the baby plan may be at least a few years in the future, improving my body image and creating healthy habits was something I needed to start doing now. So here I am, working on becoming a healthier happier person, so that one day I can lead by healthy example. I just wonder, is it enough? Since I didn’t get my self-esteem issues from my mother, so what else needs to be done to raise children with a positive self-image?

The city of no excuses

2009-03-03T09:21:00.000+10:00

Imagine a gym, where from all around you can hear bird song instead of the pumping beats of questionable singers in questionable music video clips. Imagine a gym, where the cool breeze carries with it the sweet scent of flowers instead of the sweat of the guy next to you filtered over and over in dirty air conditioning ducts. Imagine a gym, where you can go any time of day and you don’t have to wait for the machines. Imagine a gym where you don’t listen to the grunts of the person next to you, because your cardio is the long walk between the machines. Just imagine a gym where the ceiling is tree branches, the floor is grass and the view is flowering shrubs and dogs playing in the creek. Just imagine a gym in a city where there are no excuses. This is my city.

Presumably in order to combat obesity in this city, the Council is constantly providing fun ways to get people active. We are already blessed with a sub-tropical climate so the outdoors beckon at any time of year. On top of that the Council provides us with bike paths that run for over 500km, free activities in local parks where we can learn anything from rock climbing to tai chi, grass ovals with 400m running tracks and now a gym that is the stuff that infomercials are made of.

Bright, colourful gadgets in the park where every piece of gym equipment is the type you see on tv. Well, used to see on tv anyway, from that disk that you spin on to work your core to that funny bike looking thing that you pull towards you and even the cross trainers where you feel like each body part is flailing in a different direction. All the moving parts are simple, even the strength machines where normally you adjust the weights work by lifting your own body weight. They even have a rowing machine, although it’s a bit clunky.

So does this sound like the city of no excuses? I think so and I am really loving being able to mix it up and do what I feel like wether it’s fulfilling my infomercial dreams (I always had a secret desire to try one of those disk spinning things, although I suspect it doesn’t actually do anything) or decide that even going to a ‘happy place’ doesn’t work when jogging around the oval. And scaring people by whizzing past on the bike ways is also a lot of fun.
I wonder if other cities in the world are working as hard as the Council of the city of no excuses to get residents active? Is it something the residents can ask for themselves? Does it help to get people active if they are provided with facilities?

To drink or not to drink

2009-02-26T16:07:00.000+10:00

For years we have been hearing that drinking red wine in moderation - that is about a glass a night - is good for you. I embraced that research as I developed a taste for good wine. In fact, one of my favourite weekend activities is wine tasting and recently even went grape picking at a local wine farm.

Yesterday I heard about a new piece of research that more than 2 glasses of wine per week increased women’s chances of developing breast and other cancers. The research, published in the Journal of the National Cancer Institute followed over 1 million UK women (a reasonable sample size) for 7 – 8 years. The findings showed that through moderate drinking approximately 15 additional cancers per 1000 women were developed.

The Guardian article suggests that the findings from the study are reliable factoring in certain lifestyle factors like smoking, exercise and the Pill as well as body weight. Naturally, this begs the question, what will I do?

We as adults living in the developed world are armed with such a huge amount of information on how best we can lead healthy lives that the choices are paralysing. With so many studies regularly contradicting each other, it makes it impossible to know what to do. With this latest research, my first thought is that there is already a new study on the way debunking this one. While that is probable and we will most likely never know for sure the impacts of alcohol on our bodies, we can make a choice on how to live.

Oh, apparently this isn’t new anyway, with another study showing the same thing in 2002. Interestingly, this one suggests that below 60, the greatest risk for women is breast cancer so alcohol should be avoided up until that age, when the likelihood of heart attack soars. At the point, the protective effect of alcohol against heart disease means moderate intake can be beneficial.

So what do we choose? I’m curious to know if this research will change your habits. Is it worth taking the risk for that glass of wine each evening? Is this likely to decrease your consumption down to 1-2 units (about 100mL) of alcohol per week? Or are you about to email Oxford Uni and tell them exactly where they can put their studies?

Up and up we go

2009-02-26T00:12:00.000+10:00

It must just be confessions week, because I have another confession to make: the only reason I went for the bushwalk was that I figured it would help me lose weight by making me stick to my exercise goal. Usually weekends are a write off for any form of exercise except renovating (that’s been going on for almost 2 years) so I thought it would be a good idea. Except I don’t actually like bushwalking, so call me a hypocrite given my preachings over choosing exercise you like. Lets all say that together: HYPOCRITE.

Well, I am going to try to vainly defend myself in this circumstance with the justification that I learnt from the experience. And I do really like to draw conclusions from all my experiences. In fact, I wonder if ‘normal’ human beans go around analysing everything and ‘drawing conclusions’. Let me tell you, it’s tiring! I wish I could switch my brain off more often then not, especially when….no I won’t go there! But I digress. I learnt three important things from the bushwalk.

If you don’t like the pain of ‘exercise’ distract your brain from thinking about it. This isn’t very Zen I know as mindfulness is really good especially when walking. But it helps if you have to keep walking. Say you’re halfway up the mountain and you don’t get lunch until the top. So I kept my camera out and started taking photo’s of everything, mainly because I started noticing all the little details around me instead of the burning pain in my thighs. You could even say I enjoyed the experience and may consider doing it again.
It’s ok to be slower than everyone else and not feel bad about it. My husband was reincarnated as half human half mountain goat and I usually get hung up about that. It’s difficult not to compare or feel guilty from holding him back, but I actually got over it. He dashed up the mountain while I regularly found myself lying on my belly taking photo’s or was that resting?

Trust no one. If someone tells you it’s an easy 1.5 hour walk to the summit, do your own research. The view was pretty though – I guess they don’t call it the Scenic Rim for nothing.

Sugar and spice and all things nice

2009-02-25T15:43:00.000+10:00

I must confess, it was a bit of a rough weekend on my body. Unfortunately, I was still recovering from it today. I kept up the exercise as promised to myself almost too well. My thighs are aching from an itsy bitsy bushwalk that was only 2 kilometres one way, but vertically straight up. After dangling from tree branches and rocks on the way down, even my arms were aching.

But no, it wasn’t the walk that was bad for my body, it was food (as usual). We had a very social weekend with three dinners and a morning tea. I loved catching up with friends I hadn’t seen for a while, but I wasn’t prepared for all the eating. The problem with having listened to my body lately has been that it just doesn’t need as much as I have always given it. So after an appetizer and entree I was pretty satisfied. It was awesome food too – mud crab from far northern Australia caught my friends. Yum.

Soon after the mains was served, already plated up in the kitchen. The portions were huge and as mentioned, I was already full. What to do? As previously said, I am a plate cleaner and I assume that if you like what’s served you eat until you are stuffed. It is after all only one meal and it would offend the hosts if you only ate half of it say. To me not eating implies that you don’t really like what they have cooked. But what do you do when you when you don’t have any control over how much is put on your plate? How do you avoid offending your friends without eating what they think is a serving?

Well, that’s not the reason why I am recovering either, but it did get me thinking since I will be dinning at friends places again this weekend and I would appreciate any advice for how to deal with oversized portions.

Apart from lavish desserts for 3 days in a row, the final straw came at morning tea on Monday. Some friends caught up over coffee and a platter of delicious sweets. As we chatted for hours, we each reached for the platter of treats many times. I lost count to be honest, but by the time I left, the plate was pretty empty. It was mindless eating at it’s best and my body told me all about it and still is for that matter.

On the way home, I started to feel a bit unwell in the stomach, which I reasoned was fair considering the amount of sweets I had consumed. Apart from the sweets, I hadn’t eaten lunch, but at that point I definitely didn’t feel like any, figuring that I would get hungry at some point later. Gradually the nausea got worse until dinner time came around and I still couldn’t stomach any food. Eventually, I made a vegetable broth just to eat something healthy and maybe settle my stomach. It didn’t work, even though I was hungry and even this morning I woke feeling lethargic, nauseous and puffy eyed. I had never heard of a sugar hangover, but it would seem I had one. Needless to say, I won’t be touching sugar again for a while and if anyone asks next weekend I have a great topic of conversation. Have you ever had a sugar hangover?

When coffee isn't the answer

2009-02-24T00:00:00.000+10:00

I was feeling a little sleepy when I started writing this morning. My yawns, deep and cavernous kept swallowing up my thoughts in a drowsy fog. Slowly my eyelids would close and as I struggled to open them my eyes watered. Coffee I thought! That will wake me up without a doubt. Needless to say I had already had one with breakfast, but apparently this morning I needed two. Maybe it was the grey day, with the sounds of rain softly tapping on the metal roof. It could have been the warm humid air that I was breathing into my body that made it feel like it hadn’t woken up yet. On the way to the coffee machine I had one of those aha moments. That was it; my body hadn’t woken up yet!

Moving your body first thing in the morning increases oxygen consumption and gets your blood flowing. The increased blood flow to the brain causes the release of endorphins that give a sense of well-being. This is what provides that feeling of being energized for the day that I just didn’t have when I flicked on the coffee machine. Realising this, as the water was warming I briskly walked around the house. Then I grabbed some weights. By around circuit 10 I was dancing. In the end, I had woken myself to the point that I really didn’t need that coffee.
In reality, there are many mornings when I wake, but struggle to get out of bed. Then the groggy feeling clouds my mind for the first part of the day. So is setting the alarm clock early for tomorrow for a quick lap of the block or some yoga moves worth it? I think so!

You know more than you think you do

2009-02-22T00:00:00.000+10:00

That was the message that Dr Benjamin Spock had for parents back in the 1960’s. This was the message I learnt last night on an ABC show ‘Bringing Up Baby’ which follows 6 couples bringing up children using last centuries most popular parenting techniques. Now I should clarify – I have no children, nor am I likely to have any children in the next few years. But a lot of my friends already have babies or are about to, so I have heard a lot about parenting recently. Facing up to the inevitable (children) I listen with interest to all their hardships and theories thinking about what I would do differently or wondering how I would cope.

What got me watching last night, was that phrase – Trust yourself: you know more than you think you do. Dr Spock’s message was that the strict parenting styles of the 1950’s that dictated for example that you should not pick up your baby or you will spoil them were flawed. He suggested that the one-size-fits all approach did not reflect that parents know their children best. He urged parents to use a flexible approach to parenting that would be reflective of each child’s individuality. That was exactly what some friends advised after the birth of their second child, when they threw away the ‘rule’ book and listened to their baby. The other thing that Dr Spock suggested was that parents have fun being parents and enjoy their child’s development.

Now how does this relate to anything about being healthy and losing weight? Well, it made me think even further about what I have mentioned in previous posts about listening to yourself. If the number of parenting books is in the hundreds of thousands, then the number of diet books must be double that. Everywhere you turn there are books, magazines, newspaper articles and tv shows telling you how to lose weight. Not only that but manufacturer’s are creating ‘100 calorie snacks’, all the fast food joints have their ‘healthy options’, cat food is advertised as ‘low fat’ and we are telling the government to introduce legislation over junk food advertising and blaming the media for showing us itsy bitsy models. Effectively, the control over our bodies is out of our hands and into the outstretched arms of the ‘experts’ that form the diet industry. There are so many diets and so much advice out there about every food under the sun (and those from laboratories), analysed based on all manner of scales like GI or whatsitmadooba. It’s enough that those who don’t need to lose weight are panicking over their food choices and hating their bodies.

What I think we need more of is trust in our own wisdom and knowledge of our bodies. In reality most people know that potato chips and cheesecake aren’t all that good for them and vegetables are. No diet book is required to tell you that – after all I just did! But even with the knowledge we have, we relinquish control and follow the various prescriptions of low carb, no carb, high fat, low fat, or no snacks.

My aim this year is as stated ‘to end the war between mind and body’ and the only way to do that is to listen to what my body says. Since tunning in at the start of the year, it’s been pretty clear what it wants. At first my body was a little timid, but soon it gained confidence and started speaking out. It tells me loud and clear when I need to get up off the computer chair or it’s eaten enough or it really isn’t interested in food at the moment. In fact in the past, if I haven’t done any exercise for long enough, I would start having repeated dreams about jogging! So, I am going to keep following Dr Spock’s advice for myself and who knows maybe one day listen to it raising my children.

Getting ready for the weekend

2009-02-21T00:00:00.000+10:00

It’s been a beautiful summer for those not affected by weather extremes. We’ve had lots of beach days, picnics in the park and bush walks. That’s a lot of time in the sun and although we should all be getting our fair share, too much is definitely not a good thing. Often when I look around on the beach, I see a lot of Australians who just don’t seem to be looking after their skin. Obviously the message of slip, slop, slap isn’t getting through, so now we have new graphic ads showing skin cancer development. But I don’t think it’s just Australians that aren’t sun smart – just look at all the tourists sun baking at noon on the beach. I noticed in Europe, the minute a ray of sunshine popped it’s head out between the clouds, everyone would rush to expose their ghostly winter skin.

I confess, I worry when I see people baking in the sun. I see dark spots on their bodies and I feel sad for them. I worry about my own pale skin and the number of moles that appear each year over the summer. I worry because a family member has been touched by skin cancer and is no longer with us to share love, happiness and tears. I worry, because it wasn’t the Australian sun that caused the cancer, but the European one.

On the Australian Bureau of Meteorology Website, they state the UV alert together with the days weather report. Shown is the predicted maximum on a scale of 1-20. Every day I have checked, it’s been in the extreme zone, which is 11+. They also state times between which your skin is at risk if no sun smart measures are used. I try to avoid being in the sun at these times, or completely cover up. It isn’t very cool, but then how cool is skin cancer? So wherever you are, have a great weekend, enjoy the outdoors and don’t forget the sunscreen.

The most magnificent machine on earth

2009-02-20T08:21:00.001+10:00

My dear body,
You are an amazing thing. You have grown from a single cell into a tiny baby in your mother’s womb. You suffered the trauma of birth to come into this world, to be mine. You do what my consciousness asks, you hold me within you. My emotions are expressed through you with your smile, hands that speak for me and warm tears that flow when I am sad. My feelings and hormones rage through you, you allow me to feel, be touched and caressed. Through you I can experience pleasure and I can feel pain. My thoughts, fears and hopes resound in your cells. We are one, mind and body, relying on each other as we grow together.

Yet, when I look at your reflection, I criticise you as all I see is flaws. I wonder how anyone could find you lovable, beautiful or attractive. When we wake, I touch you, not gently and with reverence for all that you are, but squeezing and poking, unable to face another day looking at what you have become. Often I measure you, sometimes I photograph you and occasionally I weigh you. Some days when I really don’t like you, I claw you and scratch you, maybe even hit you. Regardless of what I do, I blame you for what you are and how you make me feel. I can’t accept you until you are perfect. I have told you that I will not love you until then because what is there to love?

I’m sad for us my dear body, because I have made us both suffer. Please believe that there is still hope, that I will make better choices for us, so that we may both work together to be healthy and happy. Please believe that I will learn to love you regardless of the reflection. Please believe that you are beautiful not because of how you look, but that you are a miracle and you are mine.

Stoking my Metabolic Fire

2009-02-19T15:24:00.000+10:00

At least I think that is what I’m doing! The highlight of my day is becoming the mid morning snack of colourful, crunchy veggies and fruit which also helps the metabolic burn. I definitely like this habit and it really isn’t difficult for me to keep up. Usually 3 hours or so after breakfast I get very hungry, to the point that I can’t think about anything but food. In the half hour leading up to lunch time I check the time every 2-3 minutes because my stomach can’t wait till lunch.

I have tried in the past not to snack, because apparently that was what contributed to not losing weight – just ask any ‘why you’re not losing weight’ article. By not snacking, the outcome for me is total distraction for the entire morning and that’s not very productive. I’ve tried eating healthy snacks like a piece of fruit which has made me really angry at fruit because I usually just felt frustrated because I feel even hungrier. And then a gym enthusiast friend suggested the 6 portions a day approach which he said would help speed up my metabolism. I’m not really a fan of breaking bigger meals into two and it doesn’t fit well with a regular day especially if eating leftovers or if you have specific lunch hours. But I have had great success with these plates of chopped veggies and fruit. They are sufficiently large to actually fill me up without a huge hit of dreaded calories; provide a big boost of vitamins; and ensure that I get enough veggies per day which I am the first to admit can be difficult. Just adding a big healthy snack like this without changing any other habits has led to weight loss in the past. I’ve always heard its because it speeds up your metabolism, but some studies show that there is no correlation. The thing I am learning about the weight loss process though, is it’s about my body and what works for me, regardless of the advice of the day. And besides, I’m really enjoying feasting my eyes on this tasty food too! Have you got any great snacks that you love?

The Fastest Way to Quit Healthy Habits

2009-02-18T13:58:00.000+10:00

It hasn’t hit yet, but give it a couple more days and it will. After all past behaviour is the best predictor of future results right? Previously all my best laid plans for health have fallen to the wayside through this dreaded form of self-sabotage – fat days.

Whenever I start a health regime I become fairly obsessive in checking progress; I’m talking on a daily basis. Body loathing creeps at the end of a few days, when no apparent changes have manifested. I begin to feel horrible about myself and cruelly look at my body. t’s that feeling of frustration, of failed attempts and of having let myself become…..this.

Change in diet and exercise happen one meal at a time, one day at a time, but the thoughts towards my body are constantly bombarding me. What I see in the mirror today has derailed me time and time again. It doesn’t matter that if I keep up the exercise and eat better I will look better, maybe in a few days, or weeks. If I hate the way I look now, I can forget about any hard work that I have put in up to this day, because I will self sabotage all my efforts, ending even the best intentioned ‘diet’ I may begin. No one talks about it (perhaps because others don’t have this problem) but maybe the very first step of any ‘diet’ should look at the way you feel about your body.

I took this quiz and yup I have a fair way to go. The question is, how do you improve your body image? Every article I have read on the topic has made me think, ‘sure, I will like the way I look just after I lose 15% of my body weight’. Sadly that isn’t the case – I still didn’t like my body that much when I could fit into my Europe pants. So how do you love your body even when you think it’s ugly? Here is an interesting article about body mania.

Good Re-Start

2009-02-17T11:55:00.001+10:00

Exercise – tick.
Conscious eating – tick.
Healthy snacks – tick.
Dark chocolate treat – haha.

All systems go, I’m back on track. It’s a bit of a deja-vu though – I have been here many times before. Whenever I have tried to lose weight in the past, I‘ve never tried a fad diet. Somehow asking my Mom to only cook cabbage soup for me for the next month would have signalled ‘look at me, I’ve got a weight problem’. I admit that I have never, unless joking shared my body issues with anyone except my husband. Generally, I’ve pretended that no one has actually noticed that I’m a little heavier than I was, or that I no longer wear clothes that I once adored. Usually, after a spate of healthy eating or exercise friends and family would admiringly point out that I’ve lost weight. Proud as I was of my success, this has always embarrassed me because it meant that they had noticed that I’d gained it in the first place. To be honest, posting all of this online for the whole world to see makes me feel ashamed. At the same time through writing about it, I have had the opportunity to really think about my issues and how I can change my habits to lose weight and lead a healthier life.

So, as I said, I’ve been here before. Exactly where here is, is healthy eating Ville. That’s always been my strategy in the past, fill up on healthy fruit and veggies, put less sugar in my tea and reduce my portion sizes a little. I don’t pretend that this time is necessarily going to be different. I have tried though to look at the reasons why I eat and avoid falling into those familiar traps. But the other main thing I need to look at is my body image, which is sitting on ‘unhealthy’ on the scale. Usually a couple of days of healthy eating goes by before the negativity kicks in. I need to stop that before it happens. I will write about that tomorrow.

Eat Dark Chocolate and Lose Weight

2009-02-16T17:32:00.000+10:00

The next article that tells me to ‘savour a piece of velvety, rich, fabulous quality dark chocolate’ is going to have the stuff smeared all over them. As my closest link to ‘them’ that would be the computer screen. I don’t read many things telling me how to lose weight anymore, but each time I dip my toe into that vast ocean, some writer suggests dark chocolate. Apparently this is the fashion at the moment, rewarding poor unfortunate sods on a diet with dark chocolate. This is everything that is wrong with the weight loss world and all those that peddle their theories on the latest way to lose weight. It’s the one size fits all philosophy which is rampant and ironic given the numbers of people trying to lose weight and therefore not fitting into a particular size at all.

Google dark chocolate and the top results all tell you how healthy it is. No, not Google against me too! But in any case, that’s old news. What annoys me is that everyone repeatedly advocates a ‘treating yourself’ with a square of dark chocolate as the ultimate reward. Apparently French women savour only the best quality dark chocolate.

Unfortunately despite the superiority of this food substance, my tastebuds don’t seem to agree. I just can’t accept it as a ‘treat’. Usually when it enters my mouth, it is immediately chewed and promptly swallowed to minimise the bitterness in my mouth. In all fairness, dark chocolate contains plenty of antioxidants that the other varieties don’t, so if choosing a treat it’s better to opt for something healthier.

The real problem I have with dark chocolate is the way it is pushed by anyone currently peddling a weight loss methodology. Chocolate may be the flavour of the month at the moment, but given time, there will be a new ‘wonder food’. Each time a new study comes out touting the benefits of a particular food, it paralyses me in my decision making process. I begin to wonder if I can actually select recipes, buy food and cook it for myself without expert knowledge backed by years of scientific research. Perhaps at the entrance to the supermarket they should have dieticians checking your weekly menu plans and ensuring you are stocked up on the current ‘wonder food’.

Maybe I’m just annoyed by the number of magazines on my book shelf whose covers predictably have catch phrases like “Foods you must eat to lose weight”. Or the authors of diets who tout a specific food as their magic diet snack. Really, it’s a matter of choosing something healthy that you really enjoy as a reward or a snack. Everyone is different and no amount of science is going to make me eat dark chocolate (or plain low fat yoghurt for that matter) again.

Wait. Add R to the List

2009-02-14T16:20:00.000+10:00

Somewhere along the line I picked up a love of talking about the weather. It must have come from spending time in European, problem is in Australia it can be a rather dull subject. And then at times, it shapes the whole nation. Just take a look at what has been happening in the last week – catastrophic bushfires in Victoria, destructive flooding in North Queensland. My thoughts go out to all of the people suffering to the north and south. Those that have lost their families and friends and those that have lost their homes. I hope you can slowly piece your shattered lives back together again and move forward from the tragedy that has touched you.

Elsewhere, we have had sunshine and warm days for the last few weeks, which is why the weather can be a very boring subject. Unless of course you mention the drought or lack of rain, then there is lots of potential for conversation, tips on beating the drought in the garden, plants that have died and stupid council regulations. Anyway, the irony is, that although we need rain, frequently people finish a conversation about the weather with, ‘well I hope it doesn’t rain this weekend because….’

Our sunny spell ended a few days, when we woke to a grey day and the sound of gentle rain on the roof. Essentially, the perfect day to role over and go back to sleep. It would seem that for people used to sunshine most of the time, even a single raining day brings a certain lethargy. Explains a lot about the English. Well, this rain seemed to bring with it deep philosophical ponderings. The bushfires have sparked debate over wether or not global warming has contributed to the tragedy that has unfolded in Victoria. In the meantime scientists are warning over and over that we will be seeing much more extreme weather to come. But it would seem the public is quite sceptical over the role of global warming has played in this situation. The debate over wether global warming even exists has reared its ugly head. I had mistakenly thought that that debate was pretty much over and the next step was action. So I began to ponder what role could I play in reducing my carbon footprint. Could I cycle more, eat less red meat or switch to eating Skippy. I wondered wether I could set a career direction that could help create a more sustainable future. And then the depressing thoughts of why bother came flooding leading me to finish my entire bowl of pasta. It didn’t just stop there either, with further ‘therapeutic’ eating at dinner that night and the following day.

All had been going well up to this point. Since I decided I was going to begin this project about a month ago, I have been doing pretty well, being conscious of my moods and eating, but these last few days have gone right off track. On the grand scheme of things though, I guess it doesn’t matter. Besides, the forecast for tomorrow is fine and over 30 degrees!

Exercise. Fun. Two words rarely in a sentence together.

2009-02-12T15:37:00.000+10:00

The one obvious habit that can help you lose weight and creates a healthy life is exercise. Actually, getting active has so many benefits besides weight loss that if you want to lead a healthy life, it is an absolute must for all, fat or skinny, old or young. So, lets get out there and hit the pavement starting with 30 minutes each day this week of exercise.

Despite everything you know about how good exercise is for you, you won’t do it. First, there’s all the excuses, then you might start but give up half way through the week – something important might happen, or you will lose motivation. You might get through the whole week, but what are the chances of continuing for another week? And if you are really motivated that this time will be different you will keep going and you do, will you continue for the rest of your life? I know I wouldn’t last.

Somewhere along the line I picked up the idea that no pain means no gain. Since I only exercise to lose weight, I figure anything less than jogging is pointless. I hate jogging, so I guess my exercise habits are pretty clear.

Just like with eating where some foods are ‘super foods for weight loss’ and others are bad, we’ve created a distorted view of what exercise should be. If I took up jogging, or any activity that I don’t like today and continued until I was 60, I would need to do it 10 920 times. If I struggle to motivate myself once, or even twice what’s the likelihood of doing it over ten thousand times. Plus what will I do for the 40 years I plan to live after I turn 60?

A life full of ‘should because it’s good for me’ is an unhealthy life; you never quite get around to doing the should items. If exercise is to become a want, then it needs to be pleasurable. The time I have felt this way about exercise, I never labelled it as healthy or fat burning, I did it because it helped make me feel alive, happy and free. Coincidentally, I could fit into my Europe pants at the time. That is what exercise should be, fun.
So this time round, I am going to get that pleasurable feeling from the activities that I love doing, but that have never seemed worthy – an after dinner walk, a dance in the lounge room or a casual game of tennis. I’ll ease into this habit with, at least a half hour session each day. In fact, I’ll book that court now!

The End of Super Expanding Girl

2009-02-11T17:58:00.000+10:00

The only way to put a stop to an expanding waistline is to end the war that started it all, the war between mind and body. My plan isn’t about cutting calories, going to the gym for hours or subscribing to a crazy diet. It’s about starting a dialogue between what my brain wants and what my body needs. My problem isn’t so much what I eat, but all those reasons apart from hunger. Yes, too much homemade vegetarian lasagne leads to super expanding girl.

Deprivation has never worked for me. Every time I have decided to actively try to lose weight, the battle between my brain and my stomach begun. As soon my brain decides that I shall eat less food at each meal, I’m starving an hour later. No snacks means I only think about food especially during the morning. No sweets and the moment I think of that slice of cake in the fridge, it’s gone, mysteriously. Yes, limiting foods seems to have the opposite effect of contraction.

And then there is counting kilojoules. I recently figured that I surely would be successful if I knew how much energy I was eating each day, so I gave it a try. I calculated what I had eaten the previous day and was shocked by the figure of around 10 000kJ. Well actually, I wasn’t at first, since I had to find out what that number actually meant for me. It turned out it was quite high, which surprised me because I thought I had eaten well that day with plenty of veggies and fruit as snacks. So for the following 3 days I vigilantly weighed and counted and estimated. It wasn’t difficult to reduce the total, but I was constantly thinking about food, or really the kilojoules in that food. Finally on Friday evening I cracked. I was going to three social events on Saturday and I knew I couldn’t control what I was going to be served. I lost it – crying and abusing myself for looking the way I did. I went to sleep miserable and woke feeling helpless, angry at myself that I was living in this body. When I calmed down that day, I decided that I would never again look at food and see kilojoules.

So, to avoid feeling deprived, my plan is to eat anything I desire, meaning no food is excluded or labelled as “bad”. The idea behind this is that I start looking at food today, the way I want to look at it if I was 13% smaller. But the catch is I must be hungry and stop when I no longer am. If it’s for any other reason than hunger then I have to find some other way to feed that need. Basically, it’s all about being conscious of my emotions and dialogue between my mind and body as well as physical hunger cues. To keep myself honest, I am going to keep a journal of all the emotions and thoughts behind my eating. Listening to all of me so that one day super expanding girl will be “now 13% smaller”.

Reality and it's unfortunate association with weight loss

2009-02-10T15:29:00.000+10:00

I hate setting “realistic” goals when it comes to my weight. When I am trying on outfits that highlight all the wrong places, I want a solution right now. Sometimes I wish I could just have a hot shower and the weight would simply “melt away”. Well that quick fix would have to be the cabbage soup diet. And that would be why the weight loss industry is worth the huge some of money it is. But unfortunately no matter which diet you look at, because their success lies in weight loss, none of them teach you to be healthy, much less deal with the reasons why you’re in the body you are in. Some weight loss advocates provide solutions that are drastic, some are punishing and some are really quite sensible. But even those that focus on healthy eating, delivering appropriate food don’t teach people to make the right choices for themselves when not provided with specifically sized, calorie controlled portions neatly packed in huge amounts of plastic. At least one such company advises clients that food choices are a greater contributor to weight loss than exercise. That is true, but the reason it’s called weight loss is that fat and muscle are lost, particularly with rapid weight loss. If the only goal is to lose weight, then that’s ok. But reduced muscle mass makes it more difficult to maintain a steady weight. Even some gyms advise hammering the cardio and doing less strength training. A friend once told me the reason women don’t like strength training is that when they start, their weight goes up. Perhaps that’s why diet companies don’t want people to do strength training – it’s hard to lose a kilo a week when gaining muscle. Imagine, what could they put in their ads then!?! “Jenny only lost 5 kilos in 12 weeks on our program, but she has toned her body and her clothes are looser.” Twelve kilos in 12 weeks sounds a lot better doesn’t it. But at the end of the day, there seems to be so much conflicting advice on what needs to be done to lose weight, that I often throw my hands up in the air for months at a time figuring that it is just to complicated.

That’s why I am taking responsibility for my own health through a the strategy developed by me based on my own experience. My focus is on permanently changing my habits as opposed to dieting…for the rest of my life. Depending on what your sources are, lasting changes to habits may take either 21 days, 6 months or a year. I am inclined to think that since I need to lose weight and keep it off for the next 75 years or so, it might take closer to 6 months than 3 weeks to change eating habits of a lifetime. My commitment is to really work on creating a healthy lifestyle for all of 2009. That’s right a staggering 12 months. Well compared to 15 years, it’s actually not that long!

I must confess that it does hurt to accept that I may not have “rock hard abs” in three months. Unfortunately sensible weight loss is defined as about 10% of body weight over 6 months. It’s painful to go that slow, but the idea is to keep it off forever. Deprivation will only lead to the ‘finally now that I have lost weight I shall celebrate with that chocolate cake I haven’t eaten in 3 months’ result. So my goal this year is to be exactly 13% smaller at the end of the year. Specifically I have a favourite pair of pants – my Europe pants - I want to fit into by the end of the year. It’s been 4 years since I last wore them.

Hungry? That's not when you eat

2009-02-06T14:26:00.000+10:00

Today I am looking at all the reasons why I eat, or at least the ones I have identified in the past. I wish it were the times when I don’t eat – it would be a much shorter list. I could sum it up simply with; when I feel content and fulfilled. So, in alphabetical oder;

B is for Belgian Chocolate when bored
Chewing is doing something. So eating while watching tv probably increases my brain function beyond what it would be if I just sat there like a zombie. I’ve come to realise that when I walk to the kitchen while watching tv, it’s not that I’m hungry, just bored even when I think I’m enjoying and learning. I don’t think the brain is used to spacing out in a vegetative state – just try not thinking for 5 minutes. For an equivalent or slightly higher mental state, I should either be asleep or meditating. During sleep my brain does lots of exciting things like dreaming; when meditating it’s doing cool things like not thinking about anything. Especially food.

C is for Chocolate Cake when in need of comfort
If I’m stressed, I eat. If I just got through a difficult day, I eat extra as a reward. Upset, jealous, lonely, I eat. When feeling fat, I eat. Angry, exhausted or anxious, that’s right, I eat. So, you get the picture. In fact the only time I don’t eat that much is when I feel really content.

F is for Filling up just in case
I don’t like being hungry, really hungry, like when I haven’t eaten in about 4 hours. My primitive brain tells me, that while times are good (this meal) I should eat a little more so when times are lean (before the next meal) I have some in reserve. And because I am good at stockpiling, the system is working great! I keep some ‘in reserve’ for times when I’m not within 30 minutes of being able to acquire my next meal. I think that only happens on international flights on certain airlines.

O is for Orgasmic food
Perhaps I’m unusual, but the thing I never understood in “French Women Don’t Get Fat” is that I don’t get bored when eating amazing food. I just want to keep eating and eating and eating and eating and you get the picture. In fact one of life’s blessings is tastebuds. Eating is the simplest pleasure I can image, simply because it has to be done, but it’s actually enjoyable…unlike doing tax returns…unless you are an accountant. I think that goes under P for procrastination.

P is for Pecan Pie when Procrastinating
What’s the best thing to do when staring at a blank page on the computer screen? Indulge your creativity with some chocolate cake. It always seems that on the way to the fridge, ideas just seem to flow! Generally while the page is still empty, but all other sources of procrastination have been expended like reading other blogs, reading the news, checking out what the celebrities are doing, food is my saviour. Yes, that would be the old avoiding technique – eating to avoid other challenging activities. Eat cake or do tax…eat cake or do tax…which would you chose?

V is for human Vacuum cleaner
If it’s on my plate, I’ll eat it. Simple. I can’t stand food waste. There is so much environmental damage done by food production. Worse still is leaving meat on a plate. I cannot leave meat on a plate in a restaurant even if my stomach is threatening explosion. If it died to be on my plate, I couldn’t bear the thought of it’s flesh being thrown away. Animals destined for food production already suffer enough, it seems an insult to kill them and then have their meat go to waste.

Notice the lack of the letter H?

Why am I in this body?

2009-02-04T22:38:00.000+10:00

My health is a product of the choices I have made in the past. It has seemed so easy to deny that in the past – they were not choices! I have thought countless times that if I was already at a healthy weight, I would be able to maintain that body. Sadly, this just hasn’t been true, because times when I have lost some weight it’s come back again. There’s those damned choices again! But unless you know what they are, then how can you change them? Here’s a look at where all my body issues began.

When I was still in primary school, a classmate suggested one day that if I lost some weight, perhaps I would look better. It’s funny what an impact a cruel comment from one child to another can have on their life. I have never forgotten that day when I first began to be insecure about the way I looked. I was 10 years old.

It would probably be around 15 years now since I first read a “Reader’s Digest” article about how to lose 5 kilograms. Funnily enough, we never had bathroom scales at home, so I didn’t know how much this would be, or even what and ‘ideal weight’ was. I began to focus on how to lose the baby fat I had but as my body matured, I gained weight. Looking back, my weight was actually never excessive even through my teenage years. Unfortunately, the more you obsess about certain things the worse they get, which was the case with my body. Why? Because I developed the habit of eating to dull the pain of the dislike I felt towards my body. Later on food dulled the stress I felt through exams, or when I was unhappy, or when I fought with my boyfriend. But most of all it dulled the pain of looking in the mirror and not liking what I saw.

Food is my drug of choice for alleviating inner emotional turmoil. That’s pretty normal for women, apparently it’s related to the comfort and closeness we felt to our mothers as babies breast feeding. But it’s effectively a drug because it creates a vicious cycle – I feel unattractive therefore I eat and then feel worse because I know my choice to eat is helping to make me feel unattractive. When eating is used for every emotional state, then that becomes the choice you make to end up living in the body you are in.

What can I do to change my eating habits?
1. I recognise that initially it was my poor body image that resulted in eating as medication. Nothing has changed there, so I need to improve my body image.
2. I need to identify all the triggers for my emotional issues and find ways to address my emotions without resorting to food.

Is it possible to lose weight without addressing emotional issues first? Yes, it is. And I have in the past – healthy weight loss over a reasonable length of time. But I never addressed the reasons behind my emotional eating or poor body image. Believe me, it’s easier to join a gym than it is to stop and face yourself. The problem was though, that the moment life threw some challenges at me, I returned to my old friend food. That’s why it’s 2009 and I’m still trying to lose weight! So, I’m celebrating the slow road by going for a walk.

Is it just me, or am I going too slowly?

2009-02-03T15:33:00.000+10:00

Maybe I am just tired of endless contemplation of my body, perhaps it’s that I feel hopeless. I would like to think that maybe I have just reached a mature decision this year. A little while ago, sometime before New Years I stood at the crossroads of choice, in this case, a busy four way intersection. You wouldn’t believe the number of people who were there at the same time as me – it seems to get particularly busy at the start of the year! Straight ahead I could see the road I was travelling, it stretches on for miles and miles, it’s undulating, sometimes a little bumpy, but above all, it is fairly predictable. It is filled with lots of criticism and self-loathing for my body, but at least it’s easy, except on fat days!

On the right is a road that I have been down before. It’s the short cut, starting with a big hill right at the beginning but promising to get you to your destination fast. I never enjoy this road because on it I have to do all the things I don’t like. It may be the quickest route to “rock hard abs”, but as soon as I get half way up, my willpower gives out and I slide back down to that intersection.

Then there is the road on the left – this is the scenic road. I’ve been down this one as well, but I turned back too soon. This is the road where you can enjoy the journey as well as the destination. You can take things as slowly as your body requires. In the end you still get to the place you are going, but sometimes it feels like it will take forever. You might not make it by your birthday, cousins wedding or that beach holiday because you are a Sunday driver. Unfortunately, as slow as it may be, this is the road that you will be happy to be on for life! Standing at this intersection once more, I came to the conclusion to try things differently this time, to take it slow. Others have started well ahead of me, it is after all already February, but this time that’s ok.

I read some words of wisdom from Peter Crone about the journey;

“You’re not fat, but your choices in life may have led you to be living in a body that is. Start to make choices for the body you want to be living in”.

I know what those choices should be, seeing as I have been working on it for a long time, but I always seem to find them difficult to implement. In light of ‘going slow’ this week I will do some self-awareness exercises to work out what I need to change in my lifestyle to become healthier. It’s not as simple as too much energy in and too little out that is holding us back.

Hold me to this

2009-01-28T17:21:00.000+10:00

As I look in the mirror, once more I obsess over every flaw of my body as I have for the last 15 years. Again like so many others, losing weight is at the top of my New Year’s resolutions list. Unfortunately the reflection of my body shows years of neglect – eating too much and exercising too little. But this body is also a reflection of how I have felt about my life and myself up until today.

As I look in that mirror I wonder what life would be like if instead of focussing my energy on how ugly my body looks, if I could use that energy for creating the life I want. What if I could write an exciting story of a positive existence woven with adventure and passion and that story is mine?

I want this year to be the last that begins with body loathing. To make that happen I know I cannot repeat past failures. I now know that maintaining a healthy weight is a lifelong pursuit, not just 3 months of following a weight loss plan. I know that in order to be my ideal weight I need to create a healthy lifestyle and the strength to confront my emotions without succumbing to the comforting embrace of food.

My resolution this year is to take a holistic approach to weight loss focussing on health, self esteem and a positive relationship with food to create a healthy lifestyle. Today, I am taking the first step, down the road to self healing and a healthier life forever.